GREENHILLS :
My love affair with Greenhills started when I was 4 years old and my Mom would bring me along to Greenlanes for their company bowling leagues. To this day, by sound alone, I would know if someone hit a strike or not. The crisp sound is undeniable. Paeng Nepomuceno had a shop in Greenlanes and I remember wandering in there and chatting him up. He even gave me a lollipop from this jar that he kept on his desk. There was a machine right outside his shop that cleaned bowling balls. If I close my eyes, I can remember the smell that would come out of that machine as it whirred to polish a ball. It was not an unpleasant smell, like how some people like the smell of gasoline.
GREENLANES :
During those days, the early 1980’s, the waiters in Greenlanes wore white long-sleeved shirts and black pants with black bowties. I made friends with them because I was always there. I even remember the name of one of them, Dennis. If I was able to go back in time and I had to identify him in a police lineup, I would be able to point him out in a heartbeat. He had thick black hair with thick eyebrows and dark eyes. The waiters would bring my Mom her coffee with cream with loads of sugar which I would sip out of sometimes. They came in these sturdy white cups and saucers with green lines around them. The burgers in Greenlanes came in wooden plates served with fried banana chips instead of French fries.
When you enter Greelanes then, the lobby would be lined with appliances like White Westinghouse refrigerators and La Germania gas ranges and stoves. These were the prizes given away to the winners of the league and my Mom brought home one of those refrigerators and gas ranges together with two trophies that were taller than me. In the center of the bowling alley was a large wooden counter where you can get your shoes and your paper and acetate score sheets. Back then, scoring was done manually and you had to mark the acetate score sheet with a special kind of pencil. It was then projected onto a screen on top of the lanes. I remember that my Mom would wait after the games as the final scores were tallied. They usually went on until close to midnight.
DUNKIN’ DONUTS :
One evening I distinctly remember was when Dunkin’ Donuts opened in Manila and their first branch was in Greenhills. It was right at the corner of Ortigas ave. and Club Filipino ave. even before Pizza Hut opened a branch there. After bowling, my Mom and I went and the donuts seemed so huge back then. The smell of frosted sugar wafted all over the place and the aircon was in full blast. Even though I’ve never been to the US, it felt like you were in the States when you walked in. The first donut I ever tried was Strawberry Frosted and we even brought home some Munchkins that were in a special glass jar.
Now I don’t know how this happened but while my Mom, Tito’s and Tita’s bowled, I was able to wander around outside Greenlanes. I can’t recall if my older sister was with me or I was with the older children of the other bowlers.
PIZZA INN :
Right outside of Greenlanes was Pizza Inn. Seems strange now when you think about it because right around the corner was the very popular Shakey’s Pizza Parlor. Pizza Inn had dark colored glass on its facade and their “mascot” or logo was this guy wearing a jacket throwing and twirling a pizza up in the air. If I can remember correctly, you can actually watch as someone prepared the pizza dough from outside the restaurant. This corner spot is now occupied by Mister Donut.
CHOO CHOO JUNCTION :
Before turning the corner, there was Choo Choo Junction across the service road right beside the North Western St. ramp heading up to Connecticut St. It wasn’t a railroad-themed restaurant, it was an actual restaurant inside a steam train. Needless to say, it was very cramped but man, what a dining experience for a little boy! We ate there a couple of times and Choo-Choo Junction was known for their spaghetti. They even had a spaghetti dish on a sizzling dish where a raw egg would be cooked right in front of you.
GAME ROOM :
When you turned the corner, there was a small Game Room before you reached Shakey’s. While they had those booths where you could play Pong and Pacman, they also had those table top games where you could play Space Invaders. Before you reached the Game Room though, there was a set of steps that led to a door that was the entrance to a bar, a club, or a disco that of course I never ventured into because I was a child. I should try to find out the name of that establishment and update this note.
SHAKEY’S :
Of course, Shakey’s was a destination by itself. Back then, bands would play at night (they were called “combos” during that time) and you could hear the music blaring from outside. They served beer and the waiters wore these Styrofoam hats that they would give away to the kids. Back then, Shakey’s was a “pizza parlor” and it had the air of a saloon rather than a family-friendly restaurant. There was this yellow and red wallpaper all around and “Ye Olde” signs littered the place. If you were buying pizza to take home, they came in these thin white boxes and the oil would quickly seep through the flimsy cardboard. You didn’t really mind because the smell of Shakey’s thin crust pizza with cheese and garlic was simply heavenly. I remember a promotion they had where they would give away superhero masks like Superman, Spiderman, and Batman where you simply wrapped the rubber bands around your ears to wear them.
UNIMART :
On the other end of Greenlanes was UniMart. My Mom would sometimes give me money to buy a toy or snack to keep me occupied while she bowled. On those nights, I would walk over to Unimart and buy myself a big bag of Jack ‘N Jill Chiz Curls or Chippy. I would eat through the whole bag until I got to the small plastic toy or sticker inside. Other nights I would go to the toy section in the supermarket. I remember buying this Batmobile once and I played with it in Unimart itself once we paid for it.
The floor right outside the line of cash registers seemed so much expansive back then and I would roll that toy car on the floor. I also remember buying a Spiderman web shooter that you can wrap around your wrist. Of course, it was nothing more than a variation of a toy gun with those mini projectiles with plastic suction cups in the end. I also remember that there was a gazebo type structure in the entrance of Unimart where you could sit to eat.
FUNHOUSE :
When I was 8 years old, I had to ride with my older cousins from school back to their house for a family get together. Before going home though, we passed by Greenhills first. This was the first time I was going there without my parents. My cousins were teenagers already and they went to a shop called “Funhouse” in Padilla Arcade. When people think of Greenhills, they automatically think Virra Mall, Shoppesville, and UniMart. No one seems to mention or remember the old Padilla Arcade anymore. Padilla Arcade was in between Greenlanes and Unimart. Anyway, my cousins wanted to go to this place called Funhouse. Funhouse was this new store where you could buy those items you would see in ads in comic books. Funhouse sold items that you could use to play jokes and pranks on other people like fake blood, itchy powder, stink bombs, that telescope that gave you a black eye and of course, x-ray glasses. When we got there, I saw this giant Frankenstein statue on the counter and I froze and I couldn’t go inside. On top of that, Statler (one half of those two elderly critics on the balcony in “The Muppet Show”, Statler and Waldorf) was hanging from a hangman’s noose on one side of the store. I guess those two scary images were too much for my 8 year old self and I couldn’t get myself to enter Funhouse. Back in the Mitsubishi L300, my cousins enjoyed their loot and they made fun of me for being such a scaredy cat.
CHRISARETH :
The old Padilla Arcade was also home to Chrisareth. I read from the Dork Side that Comic Quest was actually in Padilla Arcade also but the only comic book store I remember there was Chrisareth. What I remember though is that Chrisareth was more like a row of wooden bins with old comic books rather than an actual shop or store. When comics became popular again in the 90’s with the X-tinction Agenda storyline and the Infinity Gauntlet, my friends and I would go to Chrisareth to buy old issues of “New Mutants”. Chrisareth was run by this middle-aged, ponytailed dude.
RICKY REYES :
Yes, believe it or not, there was a time when Ricky Reyes was the cool place to go if you wanted to get a fashionable haircut. What we could call a flagship store now of Ricky Reyes was located inside Padilla Arcade. It was P50 or P70 pesos for a haircut there before and that was considered a fortune in those days.
McDONALD’S :
I actually celebrated my 8th birthday in McDonald’s Greenhills. The year before that, I celebrated it in the newly opened McDonald’s in Cubao complete with the party, the games, the giveaways, and that Ronald McDonald cake with the candle shaped like your age. When I was turning 8, we felt like I was already too old for that so I just treated my classmates to some cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes in McDonald’s Greenhills. What the Greenhills branch had though, that the Cubao branch lacked was the Play Place. I don’t recall if they already branded it as Play Place before but it was the first McDonald’s in the Philippines that had a playground.
McDonald’s Greenhills also became a favorite hangout of older students from both La Salle and Ateneo every Friday. Those older cousins of mine that I mentioned earlier would hang out there with their classmates at the end of a school week. I remember my cousin Paul Vincent Sauco going there once with his classmates Angelo Basa, Mato Cruz, Alvin Canonizado and Philip Lagueras. I remember one time when another cousin of mine John Carlo Sauco was hanging out there with his friends. We waited for him as he stepped into Shoppesville which was across the street and when he came back, he had with a new pair of argyle socks. He told us that his classmate bought it for him.
This was also the time when it was a status symbol to be working behind the counter in McDonald’s. The teenagers who worked there spoke private school English and wore their McDonald’s uniforms, together with their braces and pimples, with pride.
REGINA’S :
Regina’s is an institution in Greenhills. This gift shop, owned and managed by Miguel Paterno, has been in the same corner location in Shoppesville for as long as I can remember. In fact, they successfully outlasted Gift Gate which was right next door. Gift Gate back then distributed Hello Kitty, Little Twin Stars, KeroKeroKeropi, Zashikibuta and Lego in the Philippines. During the late 80’s, Regina’s is where you went to buy Spanish colognes like Nenuco, 23, and Denenes (which were all the rage), stationery, Trapper Keepers, magazines, comics, toys, and various other knick knacks that any budding teenager would go crazy for. I remember they even sold those popular Dragonfly badminton shoes there. We went there one time and our cousins’ friend, Christopher Clemente was friends with the owner, Miguel Paterno, and he gave us a discount on our purchase.
Regina’s stands there to this day and everyday you can still see Miguel Paterno behind the counter manning the cashier. In the last 30 over years, this guy has not aged one bit and still looks the same as he did in the late 80’s.
JONEL’S :
Moving on with Regina’s, one of the other integral parts of Greenhills is of course, Shoppesville. While it’s really a small building compared to the mega shopping multiplexes of today, I would still get lost in the four corners of Shoppesville. For some reason, I wouldn’t know how I would end up from one side to the next. I know there is Jonel’s in one corner near the entrance from McDonald’s where you could shop for imported sneakers like: Tretorn and K-Swiss. Jonel’s was definitely one of the many shoe shopping stops in Greenhills if you came into some money during your birthday or Christmas. Nowadays, the space that Jonel’s used to occupy is now an exclusive Converse store.
NOVA FONTANA :
Across from Jonel’s in the other corner, every kid back then would get excited at the sight of the Nova Fontana sign. Of course, Nova Fontana was one of the toy shops that had a wide assortment of He-Man, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, Thundercats, A-Team, Blackstarr action figures, Transformers robots, Barbie dolls, Tamiya RC’s, all sorts of model cars, boats, and airplanes, and even role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. In fact, I vividly remember the logo of TSR, one of the popular creators of role-playing games in the late 80s and 90s, being on the sign of Nova Fontana. It’s hard to miss when you’re going up the stairs on your way to Tickles on the 3rd floor.
TICKLES :
On the 3rd floor of Shoppesville was Tickles. They were also a specialty gift store like Regina’s. They sold a lot of imported goods that you wouldn’t find in other stores like Snoopy items and those harlequin dolls with porcelain heads that were very popular back in the day. Girls from Poveda and ICA would frequent this store to buy stuff for school like pencil cases, notebooks, binders, and cute pens and pencils. Of course, where the girls are, the boys are sure to follow so you would see some guys from La Salle, Xavier and even Ateneo loitering outside Tickles as well.
ISSUE :
I think Issue came a little later. I can still remember their green and orange signage. Issue was known for very affordable but trendy and stylish dresses and blouses for moms. My mom used to shop here all the time. They had bundles and stacks of clothes all over the store and while my mom would browse here, I would gladly wander over to the toy stores instead. Naturally, Issue was very successful and they opened up another store in the 3rd floor also and called it “Next Issue.” Clever, right?
KAMICO’S :
I really don’t remember if this famous (or should I say “infamous”) taco stand was already called Kamico’s back in the day but it seemed like it was just a nondescript food stall before. I say infamous because the lady who operates Kamico’s is notorious for being unpleasant. She never smiles or greets the customers and she’s known to be very curt when taking your order. I think that over the years and decades, people have learned to accept this from the place. It’s in a convenient location and the greasy tacos were a quick and tasty snack to tide you over between shopping breaks. I remember when these tacos were only 15 pesos each, then they became 35 pesos, and now I think they go for 65 pesos.
CHOCFULL OF NUTS :
Going back to the 2nd floor of Shoppesville, right near Nova Fontana is Chocfull Of Nuts, another Greenhills and Shoppesville institution. They serve an odd combination of sweet and savory food like pastries and dimsum. Shoppers have been flocking to Chocfull of Nuts for cupcakes, chocolate cake, taisan slices, siomai, asadao siopao, cuapao, and even lumpiang ubod and pork empanadas since time immemorial. If I remember right, there’s not even a place to sit here. They are all for takeout.
BIKE SHOP :
Shoppesville is also specially memorable to me because this is where my uncle, Willy Flores, bought me a special edition Hutch BMX Bike as a present. I was 11 years old then. During the heyday of BMX bikes in Manila, the Hutch bicycle was the most coveted in Manila. Bike shops would display it in the center of their stores and they were quite expensive. More than 3,000 pesos during that time. To put this in perspective, my first BMX bike (A red Team Fox bicycle) which we bought when I was 7 years old was only 340 pesos. Needless to say, I was the first kid in my neighborhood to ride around in a Hutch BMX bicycle. For the life of me, I can’t remember the name of this bicycle store but it was the only one in Shoppesville so any frequent Greenhills visitor would know what store I’m talking about. It was on the ground floor of Shoppesville right beside the escalator and right across House of Minis.
LE CHING TEA HOUSE :
Ah, Le Ching, Le Ching. Are there any words to describe your food? When I visited Manila after seven years of living and working in Singapore, I had to go to Greenhills to eat in Le Ching again. Funny enough, before I left for Singapore, Le Ching was the last place I ate in. I know that everybody talks about their Spare Ribs and Rice but I am more partial to their Beef Brisket and Rice. I would order that with a side of Hakao siomai and a cold Coke. They served their food in these aluminum bowls and you would scoop it out onto your plate. Everytime I start my meal here, I always think that there’s no way I can finish all that rice but the food is just so tasty that not a single rice grain would remain after.
COMIC QUEST :
I mentioned Chrisareth in Padilla Arcade earlier but really our first comic bookstore destination in Shoppesville is Comic Quest. In high school, Robert Curay, Francis Fototana and myself would carpool with my classmate Narciso “Jun” Callado and almost weekly we would stop by Comic Quest to pick up his latest Batman comics. In those days in the 90’s, it seemed like we would go to Filbar’s in Virra Mall for Marvel comics and Comic Quest for DC comics. I still remember the father and son team that owned and ran Comic Quest. The dad was always very serious and businesslike and it was his son that we chatted up if we wanted more information about coming issues.
If you’re same as my generation and want to add more to this note, feel free to hit a comment and lets travel back in time at Greenhills.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
The Gift of Not Giving Gifts
I thought that now would be a great time to share my philosophy on Christmas gift giving.
I have a confession that will seem very Grinch-like: I don’t buy Christmas gifts and I don’t want anyone else to buy gifts for me either. But hey, don't get me wrong -- I used to be like everyone else; scrambling every year deciding what to get while worry about spending money that I didn’t have.
All of the time that I was spending money on gifts for friends and family, I was actively trying to get out of debt. It finally occurred to me that I was spending money that I didn’t have to please others. After running around during the Christmas season it would take me about two or three months to pay off the balance from the gifts that I had bought. The thought finally hit me that I was being an idiot. I decided that I had had enough and I did what made sense:
I STOPPED BUYING CHRISTMAS GIFTS, period.
I pulled my family together and told them that I was tired of running that hamster wheel and that they should not expect gifts from me anymore. What I was doing was insane. I was digging myself maybe Christmas means more? - Christmas Gifts into a hole every year to please people who would probably have told me to stop spending anyway if they knew that I was trying to pay off a debt. I didn’t make an announcement about my financial situation. Instead, I asked them to stop getting me gifts because I was no longer going to get them gifts either. It was only right that I should not expect them to buy me gifts if I wasn’t getting them anything.
Instead of the whole gift buying hoopla, I decided to take Christmas back to basics. I’m a lover of all things Christmas: the lights; the songs; the get-together and the general feeling of warmth and cheer. For many, Christmas has morphed into a consumer driven, rum punch soaked cornucopia of excess spending and false cheer. I was tired of being a part of that and honestly, I wanted to end the year with more money in my pockets than when I began.
So, I called a family meeting and told them that instead of buying more stuff, I would take them all out to dinner at a place of my choosing one or two days after Christmas. including me. The first year, I stuffed everyone into my car and my sister's SUV and drove us all down to Sta. Rosa for a real Chinese dinner. Not only did they love the food, but my Mom enjoyed having all of the kids together in one place having a family meal. That first year dinner for eight with a 20% tip cost me Php6,000 and I have not looked back since. My brother in-law now splits the cost of dinner with me, saving me even more.
The 2016 Christmas season will be the 2nd annual Buying Dinner holiday gift and I don’t think that anyone misses having a gift under the tree that came from me. The best part is that I get to spend quality time with my family cracking jokes, drinking a frosty adult beverage and introducing my family to a different cuisine. All of the years that I spent buying Christmas gifts were not lost, it just took me time to evolve into appreciating time with my family as the most important gift that I could possibly give them. Once the moment is gone, you can not get it back. I guess you can say that when I stopped giving gifts, I discovered the true meaning of the Christmas spirit – the love of friends and family.
So, if you’re busy out there today trying to get some last minute Christmas shopping in, come over to the dark side and consider not giving Christmas gifts. Try giving your time instead.
Happy Holidays! ;)
I have a confession that will seem very Grinch-like: I don’t buy Christmas gifts and I don’t want anyone else to buy gifts for me either. But hey, don't get me wrong -- I used to be like everyone else; scrambling every year deciding what to get while worry about spending money that I didn’t have.
All of the time that I was spending money on gifts for friends and family, I was actively trying to get out of debt. It finally occurred to me that I was spending money that I didn’t have to please others. After running around during the Christmas season it would take me about two or three months to pay off the balance from the gifts that I had bought. The thought finally hit me that I was being an idiot. I decided that I had had enough and I did what made sense:
I STOPPED BUYING CHRISTMAS GIFTS, period.
I pulled my family together and told them that I was tired of running that hamster wheel and that they should not expect gifts from me anymore. What I was doing was insane. I was digging myself maybe Christmas means more? - Christmas Gifts into a hole every year to please people who would probably have told me to stop spending anyway if they knew that I was trying to pay off a debt. I didn’t make an announcement about my financial situation. Instead, I asked them to stop getting me gifts because I was no longer going to get them gifts either. It was only right that I should not expect them to buy me gifts if I wasn’t getting them anything.
Instead of the whole gift buying hoopla, I decided to take Christmas back to basics. I’m a lover of all things Christmas: the lights; the songs; the get-together and the general feeling of warmth and cheer. For many, Christmas has morphed into a consumer driven, rum punch soaked cornucopia of excess spending and false cheer. I was tired of being a part of that and honestly, I wanted to end the year with more money in my pockets than when I began.
So, I called a family meeting and told them that instead of buying more stuff, I would take them all out to dinner at a place of my choosing one or two days after Christmas. including me. The first year, I stuffed everyone into my car and my sister's SUV and drove us all down to Sta. Rosa for a real Chinese dinner. Not only did they love the food, but my Mom enjoyed having all of the kids together in one place having a family meal. That first year dinner for eight with a 20% tip cost me Php6,000 and I have not looked back since. My brother in-law now splits the cost of dinner with me, saving me even more.
The 2016 Christmas season will be the 2nd annual Buying Dinner holiday gift and I don’t think that anyone misses having a gift under the tree that came from me. The best part is that I get to spend quality time with my family cracking jokes, drinking a frosty adult beverage and introducing my family to a different cuisine. All of the years that I spent buying Christmas gifts were not lost, it just took me time to evolve into appreciating time with my family as the most important gift that I could possibly give them. Once the moment is gone, you can not get it back. I guess you can say that when I stopped giving gifts, I discovered the true meaning of the Christmas spirit – the love of friends and family.
So, if you’re busy out there today trying to get some last minute Christmas shopping in, come over to the dark side and consider not giving Christmas gifts. Try giving your time instead.
Happy Holidays! ;)
Monday, May 30, 2016
Your Mistakes Don't Define You -- You Learn From It
Sometimes, I even amaze myself at how many things I can screw up in a short amount of time.
Just the other day, a friend pointed out I had inadvertently plagiarized his work on my blog. He was beyond gracious about it, but I was mortified.
Less than a week before that infraction, I realized I had, once again unintentionally, blown off someone I respected through an email mishap that made me look like a royal jerk.
And not quite a month ago, I miscommunicated with another friend, inviting him to come speak at an event I was hosting, only to realize he came a week early due to an unclear text message.
Now, you might see these as completely understandable misunderstandings and oversights. And you would be right. But one after another makes me want to throw in the towel. Little mistakes like these add up, running into each other like dominos, making me feel like a total amateur.
Am I the only one who experiences this?
You have a good week and before you can get a big head about yourself, something goes terribly wrong and reminds you of how perfectly imperfect you are? I think these times, as difficult as they can be, are essential to our growth.
No stranger to stupid
I am no stranger to stupid mistakes. I post on social media and blog about messing things up, royally.
If you were somehow misled by the veneer of a well-designed website, let me set the record straight for you: I don’t have my stuff figured out.
I am often late at meetings, disappointing the ones I love, and regretting dumb things I say. I wish it weren’t this way, but no matter how hard I try, I sometimes just can’t get it right. As my Mom always say, “I suck at life.”
Don’t get me wrong, though. This isn’t a pity party. I am not resigned to my mistakes; I believe I can grow. This is just me being real and an invitation into the truth. Because, I think, sometimes we all suck at life. We all fall short, we all betray our consciences and let down those who matter most to us. And these things are not okay. But they are also not the end of the story.
Our struggles don’t define us. But they can help us grow.
The lessons of failure
When I have a week or even a month like the one I had lately, I’m reminded of a few things:
Failure means I’m still alive. When I die and go to heaven, things will be perfect. Until then, I will be surrounded by imperfect, especially my own. The good news in this is that it means I’m not dead.
Failure means there’s room to grow. I don’t know about you, but I hate the feeling like I’ve stagnated or plateaued. And I love the exhilaration of learning a new skill or growing at something.
Failure means I’m human. We don’t like talking about our failures very much, but I believe it’s the one thing we have in common with everyone. Remembering this, even sharing my struggles, is a great way to connect with my humanity (and with others who can relate).
I think we sometimes misunderstand failure. We think our mistakes either don’t matter or we believe that they define us. Neither of these is true.
The truth is with every shortcoming, we can learn something. We can grow. We can become more of the people we were born to be, instead of merely the shadow of a true self. And along the way, may we encounter the grace that keeps us going.
So that’s where I’ll leave this. Sometimes, I suck at life. I screw up relationships and miss deadlines and fail to keep it together. If you resonate with this, if you want to join this chorus of imperfection, I invite you to do so.
Who knows? Maybe in sharing your struggle, you’ll give someone else permission to do the same.
Just the other day, a friend pointed out I had inadvertently plagiarized his work on my blog. He was beyond gracious about it, but I was mortified.
Less than a week before that infraction, I realized I had, once again unintentionally, blown off someone I respected through an email mishap that made me look like a royal jerk.
And not quite a month ago, I miscommunicated with another friend, inviting him to come speak at an event I was hosting, only to realize he came a week early due to an unclear text message.
Now, you might see these as completely understandable misunderstandings and oversights. And you would be right. But one after another makes me want to throw in the towel. Little mistakes like these add up, running into each other like dominos, making me feel like a total amateur.
Am I the only one who experiences this?
You have a good week and before you can get a big head about yourself, something goes terribly wrong and reminds you of how perfectly imperfect you are? I think these times, as difficult as they can be, are essential to our growth.
No stranger to stupid
I am no stranger to stupid mistakes. I post on social media and blog about messing things up, royally.
If you were somehow misled by the veneer of a well-designed website, let me set the record straight for you: I don’t have my stuff figured out.
I am often late at meetings, disappointing the ones I love, and regretting dumb things I say. I wish it weren’t this way, but no matter how hard I try, I sometimes just can’t get it right. As my Mom always say, “I suck at life.”
Don’t get me wrong, though. This isn’t a pity party. I am not resigned to my mistakes; I believe I can grow. This is just me being real and an invitation into the truth. Because, I think, sometimes we all suck at life. We all fall short, we all betray our consciences and let down those who matter most to us. And these things are not okay. But they are also not the end of the story.
Our struggles don’t define us. But they can help us grow.
The lessons of failure
When I have a week or even a month like the one I had lately, I’m reminded of a few things:
Failure means I’m still alive. When I die and go to heaven, things will be perfect. Until then, I will be surrounded by imperfect, especially my own. The good news in this is that it means I’m not dead.
Failure means there’s room to grow. I don’t know about you, but I hate the feeling like I’ve stagnated or plateaued. And I love the exhilaration of learning a new skill or growing at something.
Failure means I’m human. We don’t like talking about our failures very much, but I believe it’s the one thing we have in common with everyone. Remembering this, even sharing my struggles, is a great way to connect with my humanity (and with others who can relate).
I think we sometimes misunderstand failure. We think our mistakes either don’t matter or we believe that they define us. Neither of these is true.
The truth is with every shortcoming, we can learn something. We can grow. We can become more of the people we were born to be, instead of merely the shadow of a true self. And along the way, may we encounter the grace that keeps us going.
So that’s where I’ll leave this. Sometimes, I suck at life. I screw up relationships and miss deadlines and fail to keep it together. If you resonate with this, if you want to join this chorus of imperfection, I invite you to do so.
Who knows? Maybe in sharing your struggle, you’ll give someone else permission to do the same.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Falling In-Love Is Easy -- It's Staying In Love That's Hard
I’ve fallen in love trice and stayed in love once.
When it happened the first and second time, I was naïve, emotional and idealistic, but was left extremely broken and unaware.
I spent a lot of time thinking about why things didn’t work out how we had intended. It was easy until it wasn’t.
The third time I fell in love was quite the opposite experience.
I was cautious, skeptical and built an emotional fortress for protection.
But eventually, it all came crumbling down, brick by brick, until I was back in that familiar place. All that mattered was that she and I were happy and that everything felt good.
And, that’s what falling in love is. It’s a natural high, a rush of intense emotions — anticipation, warmth, euphoria and fear — that takes you by force.
You never really see it coming, and then unexpectedly, it all catches up and you eventually realize there’s no turning back.
When you find yourself at that sweet spot, you think, “This is where I want to be. I want to stay right here, forever.”
As we fall in love, our affections effortlessly motivate us.
These feelings propel us to make some of the most irrational decisions or perform unexpected, romantic tasks, like staying up all night, talking on the phone until your UnliAllText load expires or even on a graveyard shift later in the evening, making breakfast just because or driving from Quezon City to Lipa to spend a day with him or her.
Emotions, especially love, passion and happiness; are our strongest motivators because we will do anything to maintain them.
However, we often fail to realize that it never lasts. What goes up, must come down and sometimes, the high lasts for a couple of months and sometimes, it can last for a couple of years.
We are often blinded by the illusion that everything good is infinite and invincible. Once you come down and reality sinks, it gets a little tricky.
When the feelings subside, we must work twice as hard to maintain and deepen the relationships.
The emotions become less intense until they stabilize into something that is just a part of your everyday life. Without the intensity, the motivation eventually fades, and that’s when things get comfortable.
Once you’re in the comfort zone, the relationship either becomes stale and unappealing (this is when things don’t work out) or it evolves into a two-player team (this is when you stay in love), depending on what you do next.
If you truly want to stay in love, you must always choose love — a choice built on the foundations of communication, acceptance and selflessness.
It means being honest with your significant other while being true to yourself and understanding that compromises are the key to all healthy relationships.
It means connecting and sometimes disconnecting, but always discussing your feelings without blame, assumption and insults so that you never go to bed angry.
It means knowing that your partner will make mistakes, but always speaking before reacting so that the two of you can learn and grow from the experience.
It means that even when you don’t feel love in any given moment, you do not give in to the short-term emotions and will instead behave and communicate with tenderness and patience, share your vulnerabilities and consciously decide to forgive and move forward.
In the end, the effort is in the decisions you make.
Making a decision on anything isn’t easy because it requires consciousness and careful thought, whereas emotions can master you without your consent.
Choosing love is choosing selflessness and taking a much higher road — a task that is not easily done, as we are all inherently in it for ourselves.
However, if we realize that temporary is easy, but forever is hard, we’ll consistently work for the things and the people who are worth fighting for while enjoying the magic and enchantment of all that is finite.
When it happened the first and second time, I was naïve, emotional and idealistic, but was left extremely broken and unaware.
I spent a lot of time thinking about why things didn’t work out how we had intended. It was easy until it wasn’t.
The third time I fell in love was quite the opposite experience.
I was cautious, skeptical and built an emotional fortress for protection.
But eventually, it all came crumbling down, brick by brick, until I was back in that familiar place. All that mattered was that she and I were happy and that everything felt good.
And, that’s what falling in love is. It’s a natural high, a rush of intense emotions — anticipation, warmth, euphoria and fear — that takes you by force.
You never really see it coming, and then unexpectedly, it all catches up and you eventually realize there’s no turning back.
When you find yourself at that sweet spot, you think, “This is where I want to be. I want to stay right here, forever.”
As we fall in love, our affections effortlessly motivate us.
These feelings propel us to make some of the most irrational decisions or perform unexpected, romantic tasks, like staying up all night, talking on the phone until your UnliAllText load expires or even on a graveyard shift later in the evening, making breakfast just because or driving from Quezon City to Lipa to spend a day with him or her.
Emotions, especially love, passion and happiness; are our strongest motivators because we will do anything to maintain them.
However, we often fail to realize that it never lasts. What goes up, must come down and sometimes, the high lasts for a couple of months and sometimes, it can last for a couple of years.
We are often blinded by the illusion that everything good is infinite and invincible. Once you come down and reality sinks, it gets a little tricky.
When the feelings subside, we must work twice as hard to maintain and deepen the relationships.
The emotions become less intense until they stabilize into something that is just a part of your everyday life. Without the intensity, the motivation eventually fades, and that’s when things get comfortable.
Once you’re in the comfort zone, the relationship either becomes stale and unappealing (this is when things don’t work out) or it evolves into a two-player team (this is when you stay in love), depending on what you do next.
If you truly want to stay in love, you must always choose love — a choice built on the foundations of communication, acceptance and selflessness.
It means being honest with your significant other while being true to yourself and understanding that compromises are the key to all healthy relationships.
It means connecting and sometimes disconnecting, but always discussing your feelings without blame, assumption and insults so that you never go to bed angry.
It means knowing that your partner will make mistakes, but always speaking before reacting so that the two of you can learn and grow from the experience.
It means that even when you don’t feel love in any given moment, you do not give in to the short-term emotions and will instead behave and communicate with tenderness and patience, share your vulnerabilities and consciously decide to forgive and move forward.
In the end, the effort is in the decisions you make.
Making a decision on anything isn’t easy because it requires consciousness and careful thought, whereas emotions can master you without your consent.
Choosing love is choosing selflessness and taking a much higher road — a task that is not easily done, as we are all inherently in it for ourselves.
However, if we realize that temporary is easy, but forever is hard, we’ll consistently work for the things and the people who are worth fighting for while enjoying the magic and enchantment of all that is finite.
Monday, October 13, 2014
letter to my son Victor Paulo on his 14th birthday
I miss you. You are a young man now and I know that this is the time where you are looking at to explore what life has in store for you. So there isn’t much time for dad or parents anymore. But still I miss you. I’m so proud of you. I’m excited about what God has in store for your life. I see so much richness and future success for you. There is nothing you can’t do. The world is your oyster
Setting aside the multiplicity of talent that God has blessed you with (which is quite substantial), it is who you are that I love. You’re sensitive, honest and a deep, independent thinker. You love God with all your heart and enjoy praising him. Try to never lose that because it will be your light at times of darkness. Try to remember to pray daily. Those prayers will be fuel for your life and give you on going communion with Him. Most importantly; when you make mistakes, never be afraid to admit them, apologize and make amends to people who you have wronged.
It has been an honor to be your Dad. I will always be here for you no matter what. Everything that I have is yours. You don’t owe me anything. It is I who owe you the best start in life that I can give to you, then God will make up the difference. I have many successes in raising you and many failures.
Over the time I haven’t seen you; I have a lot of time to think about my failures. Most of them are pretty common and forgettable. But there is one I need to confess. I hope that you can forgive me. And I pray to God that none of it finds any negative residual effect in you.
A friend of mine had a baby son recently. I called to congratulate him. When the conversation had ended, he asked me for any advice that I could offer him as a Dad. This is what I told him:
“Be sure to love his mom to the best of your ability, honor her with all your heart and in full view of your son. Loving his mom is the best gift that you can give your son. Do that and everything will be well concerning him.”
It would be easy to rationalize the high separation rate here in our country by saying:
“People get separated all the time.”
Or
“You shouldn’t stay together for the sake of you kids. Your own happiness is more important.”
HAPPINESS is a choice. People don’t make you happy, you must already be happy when you seek happiness in others, you’ll spiral from one relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship and never finding the happiness that is “real and true.”
Secondly, marriage and parenting is a sacrifice for the greater good and legacy/annuity of your family. When children see you fighting for the greater good (then overcome), they learn humility, courage and mature well. Commitment to family is more important than anything because it pleases God.
I’AM SO INTENSELY SORRY that I failed in this important area. I did the best that I could at the time, but it wasn’t good enough. Because I did not follow the advice I gave to my friend, I failed you and your brother Juan Miguel. I hope that you and your brother can find in your heart to forgive me and continue to love as your father. I love you both and I want only the best for you.
And lastly, as you move forward in your life, work hard in every area. Don’t be anxious for tomorrow – hit the ball that is front of you, work through the areas that are most difficult because it is here in these places that God is looking to grow and stretch you into who He is desirous of you becoming in Him.
I love you endlessly,Happy 14th Birthday Son :)
Dad
Setting aside the multiplicity of talent that God has blessed you with (which is quite substantial), it is who you are that I love. You’re sensitive, honest and a deep, independent thinker. You love God with all your heart and enjoy praising him. Try to never lose that because it will be your light at times of darkness. Try to remember to pray daily. Those prayers will be fuel for your life and give you on going communion with Him. Most importantly; when you make mistakes, never be afraid to admit them, apologize and make amends to people who you have wronged.
It has been an honor to be your Dad. I will always be here for you no matter what. Everything that I have is yours. You don’t owe me anything. It is I who owe you the best start in life that I can give to you, then God will make up the difference. I have many successes in raising you and many failures.
Over the time I haven’t seen you; I have a lot of time to think about my failures. Most of them are pretty common and forgettable. But there is one I need to confess. I hope that you can forgive me. And I pray to God that none of it finds any negative residual effect in you.
A friend of mine had a baby son recently. I called to congratulate him. When the conversation had ended, he asked me for any advice that I could offer him as a Dad. This is what I told him:
“Be sure to love his mom to the best of your ability, honor her with all your heart and in full view of your son. Loving his mom is the best gift that you can give your son. Do that and everything will be well concerning him.”
It would be easy to rationalize the high separation rate here in our country by saying:
“People get separated all the time.”
Or
“You shouldn’t stay together for the sake of you kids. Your own happiness is more important.”
HAPPINESS is a choice. People don’t make you happy, you must already be happy when you seek happiness in others, you’ll spiral from one relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship and never finding the happiness that is “real and true.”
Secondly, marriage and parenting is a sacrifice for the greater good and legacy/annuity of your family. When children see you fighting for the greater good (then overcome), they learn humility, courage and mature well. Commitment to family is more important than anything because it pleases God.
I’AM SO INTENSELY SORRY that I failed in this important area. I did the best that I could at the time, but it wasn’t good enough. Because I did not follow the advice I gave to my friend, I failed you and your brother Juan Miguel. I hope that you and your brother can find in your heart to forgive me and continue to love as your father. I love you both and I want only the best for you.
And lastly, as you move forward in your life, work hard in every area. Don’t be anxious for tomorrow – hit the ball that is front of you, work through the areas that are most difficult because it is here in these places that God is looking to grow and stretch you into who He is desirous of you becoming in Him.
I love you endlessly,Happy 14th Birthday Son :)
Dad
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