All Philippine Languages Are Chavacano

In my quest to further educate myself in my roots as a Filipino, and in the spirit of patriotism (naks!) i have gathered some useful information over the ever-reliable Google search engines and Wikipedia about the origins of Philippine lingo'. Its my day-off, my God-given day of rest.. i woke up this morning feeling sluggish and decided to stay in bed a little bit more ending up writing this entry :D

I may not be an official linguist (yet?), but I strongly declare that ALL PHILIPPINE LANGUAGES (except, perhaps, the northernland languages –spoken by tribes that were not Christianized/Hispanized– such as the ones used by Mañguianes and Igorotes) ARE SPANISH CREOLE LANGUAGES… at varying degrees. To some considerable extent, there would be no Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, etc. if they weren’t formed or moulded by the Spanish language.

Obviously, the closest local language to Spanish is Chavacano. Next in line, I believe, was Tagalog. A long time ago, Tagalog had so many Spanish words in it. But Tagalog puristas murdered the language a few decades ago. What we have now is a f*cked up pidgin called Taglish/Engalog, an offshoot of a non-sensical Abakada Tagalog.

If my observation is correct, I think Hiligaynón comes next.
And so on and so forth.
Due to the more than three centuries of Spanish colonization, the local Philippine languages had the benefit of acquiring new words and concepts from the Spanish language. Here are a few examples (local words and their Spanish derivatives):

abandonada (Tagalog) — abandonado, abandoned
abugado — abogado, lawyer
almusal — almorzar, to eat lunch
bulto (Tagalog and Visaya/Cebuano de Bohol) — bulto, bulk
Camarines (Norte, Sur,) — camarín, storage house, dressing room
choriso — chorizo, sausage
diyos — dios, god
dolyar — dólar, dollar
espada — espada, sword
hamon — jamón, jamonado, ham, bacon
imbestigador — investigador, investigator
kabayo — caballo, horse
krus — cruz, cross
kusina — cocina, to cook
kuwaderno — cuaderno, notebook
lantad — adelantar, to advance, to go up the stage
lapis – lápiz, pencil
milyon — millón, million
Miyerkules — miércoles, Wednesday
pader — pared, wall
pamilya — familia, family
petsa — fecha, date
relo — relój, watch
sibuyas — cebollas, onion
sundalo — soldado, soldier
telepono — teléfono, telephone
trabaho — trabajar, to work
ubas — uvas, grapes
uniporme — uniforme, uniform
yabe — llave, key

Please take note that these are just some of countless examples.
However, there are also false friends between Spanish and the native languages. False friends in linguistics mean that two words or phrases exist in, say, Tagalog and Spanish. But they could mean different things. For example, the local term syempre (which is used not only in Tagalog but is used in Chavacano, Cebuano, Ilocano, and Hiligaynón as well) means "of course" to local users. But it means "always" in Spanish. (Siempre lava tus manos. Always wash your hands)

When Filipinos say siguro, they want to send the message that "they’re not sure." In Spanish (seguro), however, it denotes certainty, surety, security, or stability.
Kubeta is a Tagalog word which means toilet in English. But it was derived from the Spanish word cubeta, meaning bucket..*hmmm sounds like fun ei, KeithAE*>

Anyway, the Tagalog and Cebuano term for a movie villain or antagonist is kontrabida. But the word originated from the Spanish contra vida, which means against life.
We use "di masyado" to mean that something’s not enough or not much. But it originated from the Spanish demasiado, which means the opposite of the local definition (too much)!

Hilariously, leche is the Spanish word for milk, but it has a very demeaning (and I do mean demeaning) connotation in the local Philippine languages. (D’you really wanna know what it means? Well, you’d have to ask me this first: “come again?”)..haha :D

Even the popular colloquial term "coño" is greatly misunderstood. It is loosely defined as someone who is an elitist snob. But in Spanish, it refers to the female reproductive organ.

Wouldn’t you agree that all Filipino languages are Chavacano also?

reference:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_in_the_Philippines

El Mes Español — La Comida Filipina Es También La Comida Española

Hispanophobes, true patriots of the Philippines, those who firmly believe that Spain didn’t do anything good to your country, do yourselves and your country a favor and STOP EATING SPANISH FOOD! That would be a very patriotic thing to do, dontcha' guys think?

First, start scrapping PAELLA from your family recipe. We all know that those bad old Spaniards brought it here in the Philippines and passed it on to our chefs. Now that’s a bad sign. If you hate your enemy, don’t eat what they eat. Or you’ll become like them.

Next Spanish food we have to dump is, sad to say, a classic Filipino favorite — ADOBO (from adobado), inspired by Spanish and Mexican dishes. Besides, Adobo irritably rhymes with Arroyo.

And don’t ever mention nor even dare think about that EMBUTIDO anymore. It’s so appalling that those Spanish missionaries would bring such phallic symbols to your innocent shores.

And the pigs, the pigs, the poor suckling pigs!!! Are they all destined to die before they even reach their second year? Those mean Spaniards taught your race to become heartless animal killers by teaching you the art of preparing LECHON DE LECHE. I mean, come on! If you already have laws against the murder of our canine friends, why can’t you do the same with pigs? Besides, them Muslims could be right after all: the Biblical devils could still be inside those oinkers. So I’d suggest that you convert to Islam also. At least, that would save you from Catholicism, another Spanish curse. Anyways, dont you have enough source of meat all around you? How about cows? What about goats? What about pythons and the chicken-flavored bayawaks? Besides, cows don’t give out a shrill scream when you butcher them. So stick to cows and,. to paraphrase John Lennon, ...give pigs a chance*ROTFL*

Not even MECHADO is saved. Unfortunately, dear Filipinos, it’s a Spanish loan-recipe. So out with it also. ¡El mechado debería ser echado! Out out OUT!!!

Throw away everything Spanish! If you’re too honorable not to bite the hand that feeds you, just throw everything away! ARROZCALDO, CHAMPORADO, AFRITADA, ASADO, PAN DE SAL, BIZCOCHO, out, you should say! ¡Afuera! Even Kare-Kare, Diningdéng, Sinigáng, Pinakbét, and Nilagà should be shown the kitchen door. Although they’re not Castilian, their ingredients –sampaloc, patatas, repollo, tomate, chayote, rábano, zanahoria, guisantes, etc.– they’re all brought here by the wicked Spanish to nourish the land and the inhabitants. Oh, how evil can that be!

Good thing you still have the Chinese who gave you… pancit…?

Gosh! Even pancit is Spanish! Dear, dear, DEAR!!!

Observe:

PAN, bread (Spanish) + CHIT, to eat (Chinese) = PANCÍT

And the Spaniards show no mercy with their guyabano, melocotón, melón, sandía, piña, pepino… oh the cursed list goes on and on…

Those evil Spaniards are every where! Not even showing an ounce of respect to Filipino cuisine.

But Filipino cuisine is Spanish…

What the?! Even cucina is Spanish!

There is no escape.

Oh, well. Just raise the white flag. At least, we indio bravos can still go home in peace and plant kamote.

-GASP!- even "Camote" was imported by the Spaniards.

See? See? Now what do you hispanophobes feel? You feel hungry now, right? ¡Tenéis hambre! And so you are correct – the Spanish are out to make you hungry! Why, they never brought you tasty burgers and greasy fries like what the North Americans did. Did those greedy Spaniards give you the likes of McDonald’s and Burger King? Hell, no! These fastfood restaurants, aside from milking your pockets clean due to their products’ exorbitant prices –thus getting rid of your mind extra load– they will also give you extreme amounts of cholesterol in order for you to "MEET YOUR MAKER" the soonest possible time. And since your pockets are milked clean, then that means less headaches before you die! How benign, eh?

Darn, you guys need a break. Here, have some coff…

Oh, no…

What the heck! Just take one last look at these hypocritical Spanish-Filipino eatables.

Just be content with what you truly have: arroz.

beep.

Don’t falter! Throw away everything that has a taste of Spain, and you’ll never go hungry again.

beep again.

I dont even know why i'm writing this.. even my name is Spanish...*sighs*

Without Spanish, What Is A Filipino?

A PILIPINO is convincing a FILIPINO to become patriotic…

PILIPINO: We must get rid of Spanish words from our native languages!

FILIPINO: And why is that?

PILIPINO: “Why” is a stupid question. Haven’t you learned anything from your history class? It is but a folly to retain Spanish loan words in our languages when it was Spain who destroyed our identity!!!

FILIPINO: Oh. Really.

PILIPINO: Really!!! And not only that! We should not cherish any Spanish legacy at all! Aside from Spanish tyranny, Spanish culture is not Philippine culture!

FILIPINO: Does that mean we have to throw away the culture that Spain bequeathed to us?

PILIPINO: Yes, of course! Don’t you remember what Señor Simon told Basilio? “If they are unwilling to teach you their language, cultivate your own.” In a larger sense, we should cultivate our own culture.

FILIPINO: Hmmm, you have reason. So, throw everything away?

PILIPINO: EVERYTHING! The language, the culture, the concepts, the religious superstition… EVERYTHING!!! Our national heroes have already set an example by revolting against Spanish tyranny! Leadership by example! We should follow the great Filipinos of yore!

FILIPINO: Oh, OK. I might agree. But first, you have to begin this Castilian purging from our “culture” yourself. Just like what you said, “leadership by example…”

PILIPINO: Exactly. I’d be happy to take the lead. Now, what do you want me to do?

FILIPINO: First of all, take off your sombrero my friend. It’s Spanish.

PILIPINO: (stumped). That would be easy.

FILIPINO: And throw away that corbata, too. Of course you know it’s Spanish.

PILIPINO: (thinking) Well… I think I’d still look fine without a tie.

FILIPINO: And your passionate “nationalism” would look good on you if you take off your chaleco, camisa, vestido, zapatos, cinturón, and pantalón as well.

PILIPINO: Now wait a minute there…!

FILIPINO: No, you wait a minute there!!! You’re PILIPINIZATION is not yet reflecting on you. You’re still wearing a relój.

PILIPINO: Fool! This wrist watch is from the US, not from Spain.

FILIPINO: You’re the one who’s loco, ese. We’re not talking about brand names. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing La Coste or Tommy Hilfiger or whatever stuff that came out from another country that is not Spain. We’re not only talking about Spanish words now but concepts also. Before the arrival here of Rolex and Omega and Panerai's, Filipinos already have watches and large grandfather clocks. Of course you already know that.

PILIPINO: (hesitant) Oh, all right! (mumbles and grumbles, but throws watch away) There! Gone!

FILIPINO: You can always tell the time by just looking at the sun, moon, and the stars, right! That’s the true PILIPINO way! Cultivate our own!

PILIPINO: (sigh of exhaustion) Cultivate our own…

FILIPINO: Uh, sir. you still have your medias and calzoncillo on…

PILIPINO: (raising his voice) Are you mad?!

FILIPINO: Nope. But I think you are if you’re still donning Spanish concepts. Leadership by example?

PILIPINO: (groans)

FILIPINO: Don’t worry! You can always search our forests –or whatever the neocolonizers might have left of it– for tree barks and any natural material for your clothing. Now that’s true PILIPINO culture. Am I right? Or am I right?

PILIPINO: …

FILIPINO: Good! Leadership by example.

PILIPINO: Leadership by example.

FILIPINO: Cultivate our own?

PILIPINO: Cultivate…

FILIPINO: (inspects PILIPINO) Say, you’ve got false teeth.

PILIPINO: (embarrased) Yeah, so what?

FILIPINO: Throw that postizo away, dude. That’s demeaning to our “true” culture. But let’s save your peluca just for this month’s Halloween party.

PILIPINO: Egad…

FILIPINO: Here, wear these in the meantime so you won’t grow cold (hands over strips of banana leaves for the PILIPINO to wear).

PILIPINO: Are you doing this to mortify me?

FILIPINO: How ’bout saying “thank you for giving me something to wear” instead?

PILIPINO: (grumpy) Thank You!!!

FILIPINO: You’re very much welcome. Now where were we? Oh, yes, and don’t use all utensils that the Spaniards brought here.

PILIPINO: ?

FILIPINO: OK. Let me make it clearer. “Throw everything away?” That’s perhaps the most patriotic idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Friend, dispose of your cubiertos, aparador, cama, silla, balde, pozo, lápiz, papel, plato, cepillo, florera, la mesa, ventilador, todo todo, TODO!

PILIPINO: Friend, I think you should…

FILIPINO: Go on? By all means. Don’t even think of continuing your educación. Those libros at school will poison your mind. Stop going to church, too. Remember how María Clara was screwed! And your ancestral home, man, your bahay na bató is getting to be an eyesore. Better demolish it.

PILIPINO: (panting) That house is my family’s house! It is the history and the soul of my family and ancestors!!!

FILIPINO: Which is, unforunately, español. Enough talk. I’m your convert, dude. You woke me up from the “bitter” truth. You make me proud! And without anything to wear now except for those leaves, sonuvagun, you look very fine! Very respectable! Very great when you’re naked, y’know. Very PILIPINO.

PILIPINO: Oh please stop…

FILIPINO: Indeed, without Spanish, our “true” identity will emerge. Thank you, friend, for this “awakening.”

And do i even have to mention about the food?