Bad Ass Of The Week (The Rise Of Lapu-Lapu)

While all of us is busy sporting our Nike Team Pacquiao, Three Stars and A Sun, being all too proud to be Pinoy t-shirts; I think aside from Jose Rizal, Manny Pacquiao, Francis M., Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini and all great Filipino's that sparked and ignited the patriotatism in us all, thought i blog about and give y'all a refresher on Philippine history and a least remembered hero, I'm talkin' about the super-dooper-ultra-mega-to-the-max-gold-standard-of-Filipino ass-kicking ; Rajah Lapu-Lapu!

When you’re talking about bad-ass, super hardcore martial arts practiced by people who have absolutely no fear of severe bodily harm, multiple broken bones or getting knocked in the face with a powerful instrument of blunted death you could do a lot worse than Filipino Stick Fighting. If you’ve never watched Eskrima or Kali practitioners go at it before, you are really missing out on some ultimate epic ass-kickings. Basically, the sports involves two balls-out motherf**k*rs standing across from each other on a dojo floor, wailing on each other with unforgiving bamboo sticks until someone either dies or suffers so many hairline bone fractures that they can no longer physically stand up anymore. The last dude standing is declared the winner & nsbp ; or something like that :D

In the West, the Filipino martial arts aren’t considered as “sexy” as some of the Chinese and Japanese fighting styles, and many people don’t realize that the Philippines has a rich history of bashing motherf**k*rs in the goddamn face with a matching set of hand-carved wooden bludgeons. Even the almighty Bruce Lee himself trained under some of Eskrima’s Grand Masters, and incorporated aspects of their fighting style into Jeet Kune Do. You know that scene in Enter the Dragon when Bruce is in that cave and he’s using those two sticks to beat the hell out of like eight hundred dudes? That’s effing' Eskrima, people! a time-honored tradition of bashing in skulls and dishing out ass-kickings that traces its roots all the way back to the 16th century and a native Visayan chieftain named Lapu-Lapu, a tribal leader who became the first Filipino to defend his homeland against foreign invasion.

There isn’t a written record of what Lapu-Lapu was up to prior to the year 1521, but by all accounts his life revolved around two things – kicking asses and taking names. According to legend, Lapu-Lapu’s father was a big-time Level 15 Chieftain on Mactan Island who was pretty much an unstoppable killing machine, thanks in no small part to an awesome magical Amulet of Strength +5 that did double-damage against Goblins, Orcs, and Uruk-Hai's. Well one day a pirate from the nearby island of Cebu asked the Chief if he could borrow the amulet, because some mumu's from the Underdark had kidnapped the pirate’s girlfriend and he needed to launch a serious raid to get her back. The Chief, who was apparently oblivious to the fact that you can’t trust anything that a goddamn pirate says, coughed up the amulet and (not surprisingly) never heard from the pirate again. From that time on the Mactan tribe and the Cebu tribe spent most of their free time ballknocking the crap out of each other with bamboo rods and hurling insults at one another like a pair of mudslinging politicians rampaging along the campaign trail. Lapu-Lapu rose to power amidst this heated rivalry, and like any good bad-ass warlord he decided he was going to ratchet the Violence-o-Meter up to the next level. He instituted a strict training regimen for his tribesmen, taught his warriors the art of Eskrima and Kali, and had his troops fight insane one-on-one Soulcalibur-style sparring duels with wooden sticks to help increase their fighting ability, pump up their strength and conditioning, and improve their ability to be bludgeoned about the head and neck in a furious manner without dying or having a seizure or some shit.It was in the Year of Our Lord Fifteen Hundred and Twenty-One that Lapu-Lapu and his warriors would face their greatest test.

On 14 April a European explorer named Ferdinand Magellan landed his fleet on the shores of Cebu Island with the intention of wreaking havoc like the Tazmanian Devil at a Sotheby’s auction. The Spanish and Portuguese sailors were well-received by the Cebu tribe, and in a short period of time Magellan was able to convert many of the natives over to Catholicism, convincing them that since the greatest Catholic ruler on Earth was the King of Spain, all native Filipinos should just bend over and submit to the will of the Spanish Crown. The Cebu Chieftain was pronounced a “servant of God and Spain”, and anyone who didn’t want to accept all of the Roman Church in all of its Popey Goodness was declared a heathen infidel deserving only painful death and suffering. The Cebu Chieftain, seeing an opportunity to take this ultra-modern army of hardcore Spanish soldiers and utilize them for his own nefarious purposes, immediately said something along the lines of, “well… speaking of heathen infidels, there’s this dude on Mactan Island named Lapu-Lapu, and he’s actually a Muslim…”Magellan, eager to cement the Philippines’ subservience and loyalty to the Spanish King, did what every good Conquistador did to the indigenous populations of the islands and civilizations they visited – he mobilized his armies and prepared to burn some villages, plunder everything that wasn’t nailed down, slaughter anyone he could get his hands on, and either convert the survivors to Christianity or sell them into slavery. On 27 April 1521, Magellan and his crew landed on Mactan Island, eager to show the savage barbarian natives what it was like to be f**k*d in the ass by a civilized European Superpower.

Being a devout Muslim, Lapu-Lapu wasn’t in the mood to hear about any Jeebuses, and he certainly wasn’t going to sit back and let a bunch of smallpox-carrying non-M41 Pulse Rifle-toting Colonial Marines stamp his balls into dust and carry of the women of his sizeable harem, so he mobilized a large force of the most bad-assed warriors he could find and prepared to give the Conquistadors a wooden-plank ass-kicking that would make them wish they were back in Catholic school getting their knuckles bloodied by angry nuns. His men got their best bamboo spears, fighting sticks, stones, arrows, and swords and prepared to turn back the invaders.

The only surviving account of the Battle of Mactan comes from one of the dudes who was in the Spanish raiding party (and this guy had a total stiffy for Magellan so his account is probably pretty biased in favor of his countrymen), but it’s better than nothing. According to the tale, Magellan had originally planned to make a landing and use his ships’ cannons to serve as artillery backup in the battle, but when the fleet got close to the island they learned that there was a large reef that was preventing the Spanish ships from getting close enough to the shore for any kind of coastal bombardment. Magellan didn’t bother to find a new point of attack, and instead took somewhere between 50-60 men and marched through thigh-deep waters towards the shore, where he met up with a large force of several hundred pissed off Filipino martial artists.

The Conquistadors didn’t give a shit though, and immediately opened fire on the natives with their muskets and crossbows and started yelling insults about their enemies’ virility.Often times, much is made of the bravery of a small group of soldiers battling against a much larger force of savages, and how noble these men are for standing up against impossible odds, but consider this battle from the perspective of the Filipino warriors and Lapu-Lapu. First off, you’re standing on the beach, facing white-skinned men that don’t look like any people you’ve ever seen before. You’ve a bamboo stick and a flimsy wooden shield, while the enemy is wearing heavy steel breastplates and helmets that are strong enough to deflect any arrows or rocks that you or any of your companions launch at them. Oh, and they also have firearms and crossbows that are much more advanced and powerful than anything you’d ever thought possible. Your orders are to charge across a beach and fight these guys in hand-to-hand combat, which had to be the 16th Century equivalent of fistfighting a company of goddamned ray-gun toting space aliens or some shit, but these guys didn’t even give a crap.

At first, Magellan’s men used their muskets and crossbows to keep Lapu-Lapu’s warriors at bay, but when he saw that the natives weren’t breaking ranks and running screaming into the jungle like a bunch of pussies just because the Spanish set off some black powder, Magellan decided he needed to step up his display of technological superiority and consummate dickheaditude (now, that's a new word). He had a couple of his men set fire to a nearby village, burning it to the ground with torches and flamethrowers. As you can imagine, this really only succeeded in making the Filipinos even more totally rip-shit pissed off, and Lapu-Lapu ordered a full-scale balls-to-the-wall charge on the Conquistadors’ position. As the horde of screaming warriors was closing in on the Spanish invaders, Lapu-Lapu ordered his archers to launch one final volley of arrows at the Europeans – only this time he instructed his men to aim not for the heavily armored torsos and heads of their enemy, but at their unarmored legs. Several Spanish soldiers were hit in the thighs and calves, and the crippled men were quickly pummeled to death by Lapu-Lapu’s rampaging stick fighters. Lapu-Lapu himself is credited with delivering the kill shot on Ferdinand Magellan, as the chieftain cut the Explorer down with a single blow of his giant-ass two-handed scimitar. The Spanish invasion force was completely over-run by the tribal warriors, who beat the crap out of anyone they could find, and the surviving troops ran off as quickly as their sails would carry them.


A few days later the Spanish fleet asked Lapu-Lapu to return the remains of their fallen commander, but none could be found. The conquering invader had been beaten into a bloody smear that was carried away by the tides.

Lapu-Lapu is the national hero of the Philippines, and he stands today as one of the few tribal leaders who stood up to the European explorers and Conquistadors and emerged victorious. He trained his men in badass martial arts, he didn’t back down from a technologically superior force, and he didn’t take crap from anyone. Today, there’s a city named in his honor, countless statues of him exist across Mactan Island, and the whole of Philippines. The local Cebuano's even have a drink named after him – it’s one shot of dark rum, one shot of Bacardi 151, and one shot of sour mix with ice, orange juice and pineapple juice – guaranteed to kick your ass, just like the man it’s named after.So i hope after reading this, if you're a true-blue Filipino who is truly proud of our heritage, please take some time to remember this great Filipino warrior who stood up and fight for us and our country.

Truly, our national anthems really hails hero's like him;"aming ligaya na pag may nang-aapi, ang mamatay ng dahil sa'yo." ["but it is glory ever, when thou art wronged, for us, thy sons; to suffer and die."]













Magellan : "Oh Shit, WTF?!

Bad Ass Of The Week : Nikola Tesla (The Greatest Geek That Ever Lived)

I will compose this entry as simple and comic for the benefit of my two sons Victor Paulo and Juan Miguel, so that they can digest easily as to why "Nikola Tesla is the greatest geek in the whole wide world?."

Geeks stay up all night disassembling the world so that they can put it back together with new features. They tinker and fix things that aren't broken. Geeks abandon the world around them because they're busy soldering together a new one. They obsess, and in many cases, they suffer.

Over a hundred years ago, a Serbian-American inventor by the name of Nikola Tesla started fixing things that weren't broken. In a time when the majority of the world was still lit by candle power, an electrical system known as Alternating Current was invented and to this day is what powers every home on the planet. Who do we think for this invention that ushered humanity into a second industrial revolution? NIKOLA TESLA :)

You might say; "I thought Thomas Edison was the father of the electric age." Nope. It was Tesla.

When most people think of Thomas Edison, they think of the man who invented the light bulb. (Well, that's what I thought so too) Edison did not invent the light bulb; he improved upon the ideas of 22 other men who pioneered the light bulb before him. Edison simply figured out how to sell the light bulb. Tesla actually worked for Edison earlier in his career. Edison offered to pay him the modern equivalent of a million dollars to fix the problems he was having with his DC generators and motors. Tesla fixed Edison's problems and when he asked for the money he was promised, Edison laughed him off and had this to say: "Tesla, you don't understand our American humor."

Edison is a good example of a non-geek who operated in a geek space...

He believed the value of his inventions could be gauged by how much money they made. He was neither a mathematician nor a scientist -- he believed he could just hire people to do that for him. Edison was not a geek, he was a CEO.

Tesla was known for discovering amazing things and then forgetting to write them down. Edison was known for rushing to the patent office as soon as one of his employees had something. After falling out with Edison, Tesla worked on his Alternating Current electrical system. This ignited a feud with Edison. who at that time was trying to sell the world his Direct Current system. Edison's DC system required a power plant every square mile and couldn't transmit electricity very far. AC uses thinner wires, had higher voltages and could transmit electricity over long distances.

So what did Edison do?

Families living around Edison's laboratory began to notice that their pets were disappearing. This was because Edison had been paying schoolboys twenty-five cents a head for live dogs and cats. He then puts these cats and dogs on display and publicly electrocuted them using Tesla's Alternating Current. (The goal was to publicly smear Tesla's AC and convince the public that it was dangerous for home use. ) In short, the only thing Edison truly pioneered was "Douchebaggery"

Have y'all heard of a man by the name of "Marconi?" He won a Nobel Prize in Physics for inventing radio

did you know that everything he did was based on works previously done by Tesla? After Marconi became world-famous for sending the first trans-atlantic message, this was tesla's response: "Marconi is a good fellow. Let him continue. He is using seventeen of my patents."

Basically, Tesla = Nicest. Inventor. EVER

Ever heard of RADAR? a.k.a. that awesome technology that lets us detect objects like cruise missiles and latte'-sipping-SUV-driving imbicles who do 85 in a 45. An English scientist by the name of Robert A. Watson-Watts was credited by the the invention of radar in 1935.

Can you guess who came up with the idea in 1917? ..18 years before Watson-Watt? Nikola Tesla ;)

He pitched it to the US Navy at the beginning of World War 1 when the world was getting its butthole forcibly imploded by German U-Boats. UNFORTUNATELY, Thomas Edison was the head of R&D for the US Navy at that time and he managed to convince them that it had no practical application in war. NICE JOB EDISON! YOU BLOATED MISGUIDED ASS. I HOPE A NAZI TORPEDO HIT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.

Wilhelm Rontgen is typically credited as the discoverer of X-Rays. Can you guess the moustache-donning inventor who beat him to it and got basically ZERO credit? >Nikola Goddamn Tesla<

also, when X-Rays were initially discovered it was believed that it could cure blindness and other ailments.
Tesla warned that x-rays could be dangerous and refuse to conduct any medical experiments with it. Edison, without skipping a beat when the opportunity to be awful presented itself, got to work right away on human trials in x-ray experimentations. One of his employees; Clarence Dally, was exposed to so much radiation that his arms had to be amputated to save his life. It didn't work though, and eventually he died from mediastinal cancer. Dally is considered to be the first American to die from experimentation with radiation -- FINALLY, Edison invents something original!

In addition to killing his assistant, Edison nearly blinded himself by repeatedly firing x-rays at his own eyes. When asked about x-rays later on, this was Edison's reply;

"Don't talk to me about x-rays, I'm afraid of them." Thomas Edison 1903

Fucking Idiot.

*Ever wonder who build the first hydro electric plant at Niagara Falls and proved to the world that this type of power was a practical energy source? Nikola Tesla :)

*Who was experimenting with Cryogenic Engineering nearly half a century before its invention? Tesla :)

*Who held patents over a hundred years ago that were later used in the development of transistors? The Transistor is the device which makes the information age possible so that you can refresh your Facebook page and download donkey porn and whatnot. Tesla ;)

*Who was the first person to record radio waves from outer space? (inadvertently making himself the father of radio astronomy) Tesla :)

*Who discovered the resonant frequency of the Earth? Tesla ;)
(this is something scientist couldn't confirm until 50years later when technology had caught up to what Tesla's amazeballs brain figured out in the 1890's)

*Who built an Earthquake Machine that nearly demolished an entire neighborhood in New York City when it was turned on? Tesla :)

*Ever heard of Ball Lightning? It’s a lightning that appears in a form of a sphere and travels slowly while hovering a few feet above the ground. It’s an extremely rare phenomenon and even today, no scientists have ever successfully produced it in a laboratory. Oh, except Tesla did it back in the 1890's :)

(nope. this. is. not. Lightning Ball.)

*Ever wondered who invented Remote Control? Tesla :)

*Neon Lighting? Tesla ;)

*The modern Electric Motor? Tesla ;)

*Wireless Communications? Tesla :)

You know how when you need electricity for your home and it simply rains down from the Earth’s ionosphere and charge everything wirelessly? Oh, right that was something Tesla invented but didn't share with the world probably because he was afraid of uninspired jackasses stealing his patents.

Without question, Tesla was a genius. He spoke eight languages : Serbian, English, Czech, French, German, Hungarian, Italian and Latin. (most of us speak one or two language (and poorly at that) He could memorize entire books and recite them at will (most of us can’t even remember our passwords) He could visualize devices entirely in his head and then built them without ever writing anything down. (most of us only spend time visualizing things like naked women and greasy sandwiches)

And even more impressive, the man lived to be 86 and was celibate all his entire life. Despite being 6'6 (200cm) tall in the 1890's and mega popular with the ladies, Tesla refuses to date as he believes it would interfere with his work. (well, I sure hope he's not gay)

So with his incredible mind and all his inventions behind him, Tesla should have been rich and famous, right? Unfortunately, no. Tesla lived in a time when the world demanded results that were practical and profitable. We didn't want radio astronomy, we wanted electric bulbs and oven toasters. Tesla's contributions were not incremental; they were revolutionary.

One of Tesla's final gift to the world was a tower near New York City that would have provided free wireless energy to the entire planet. The man who financed the construction of the tower shut it down when he realized that there won’t be no way to regulate the energy and therefore it wouldn't make money.

This acquisitiveness and greed plagued most of Tesla's career, and he spent the majority of it being broke. In addition Tesla suffered from a disorder we now commonly refer to as "being batshit insane" Tesla hallucinated and often had a hard time differentiating between reality and his imagination., which is why he spent years alone working in his laboratory day and night. (He often said that the only time he was truly happy is when he is cooped up in his lab)

Tesla died broke and alone in a NYC hotel room. he'd been living on milk and Nabisco crackers, and in one of his final interviews he revealed something of a very personal nature;

"I have been feeding pigeons, thousands of them, for years. but there was one pigeon, a beautiful bird, pure white with grey tips on its wings; that one was different. It was a female. I would know that pigeon anywhere. No matter where I was, that pigeon would find me, when I wanted her I had only to wish and call her she would come flying to me. She understood me and I understood her.

I loved that pigeon.

Yes, I loved her as a man loves a woman, and she loved me.

As I look at her, I knew she wanted to tell me -- she was dying. And then, as I got her message, there came a light from her eyes -- powerful beams of light."

Living on crackers and talking to an imaginary laser pigeon?! .. that was Tesla's reward for all the things he gave to humanity?!

Dear Nikola Tesla,

I'm sorry. I'm so very very sorry. YOU were a man displaced in time; an Archimedes, Steve Wozniak, Tony Stark of the 19th century. You were the greatest geek that ever lived (in a time when the human race was crappier than usual) there are not enough nouns in the English language to append to the word "douche" when describing Thomas Edison but I will try anyway:

Douchebucket. Douchebagel. Douchebuffalo. Douchemouth. Douchesplosion. Douchethunder. Doucheface. Quarterpunder with douche. Douchepickle. Mixed greens with douche vinaigrette. RaisinBallsDoucheSkull.

Next month, July 10th is Nikola Tesla Day, I will try my best to edit Wikipedia in your honor.

On behalf of those obsess, tinker and fix things that aren't broken -- consider it my way of saying:

THANK YOU! NIKOLA TESLA.



Additional notes:

If you want to learn more about Tesla, I highly recommend reading Tesla: Man Out of Time

There's an old movie from the 80s on Netflix Instant Queue right now about Tesla: The Secret of Nikola Tesla. It's corny and full of bad acting, but it paints a fairly accurate depiction of his life.

The Drunk History of Tesla is quite awesome, too.

X-rays: just to clarify, Tesla did not discover x-rays, but he was one of the early pioneers in its research.

Cryogenic engineering: I'm referring to the cryogenic engineering that has to do with using liquefied air to cool a coil and reduce its electrical resistance, not freezing people and waking them up in the future so they can fight Wesley Snipes ;)

Radio: Tesla was the nicest geek ever until he decided to sue Marconi a few years later. 8 months after Tesla died, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Marconi's patents on the invention of radio. So Tesla eventually won that battle, although he was dead by then.

Tesla VS. Edison: I could write a novel on the differences between Tesla and Edison, but seeing as how this entry is already huge, I decided to leave many things out. For instance, Edison killed cats and dogs, but Tesla loved animals and had a cat as a child. Originally Tesla wanted to be a poet, but after getting zapped by static electricity from his kitty he was inspired to study the effects of electricity. One could vaguely construe that Tesla's cat was responsible for the second industrial revolution, which arguably makes it the most awesome cat who ever lived.

Edison believed that fossil fuels were the future and that there were enough resources in South America to provide for the next 50,000 years. Tesla believed that renewable energy sources like hydroelectric, solar, and wind power were the future. This is remarkable because in the 1890s there was no such thing as "going green," so Tesla's ideas on conservation were very forward-thinking at the time.

P.S. : I did mention that Tesla was celibate for 86 years, Edison married a sixteen year old girl
P.P.S. : this is the last time I'm going to bitch about Edison, I swear

Lastly, a "big thank you" Wikipedia and Google for proofreading this blog entry for me. If you want to learn things from the most awesome librarian and search engine this side of the planet, feel free to visit them.

Act Of Valor Doesn't Move Me

DISCLAIMER : This entry is not meant to piss anyone or any group as the words typed here are my own personal opinion.

It's my off and i finally got the chance to watch this movie and being a Mil-Sim Enthusiat myself, this is what I can say:

Quick Impressions:
It’s a good thing I never spent my childhood dreaming of becoming a Navy SEAL because I have about as much chance of becoming an elephant seal. I’m far too anxious for stress-fraught career like Navy SEAL. My delicate psychiatric state aside, I’m also hopelessly clumsy, born out of shape, and literally physically unable to make my bed with properly neat corners. (I’ve been told that’s a requirement for military service.) Given my own unsuitable nature, it’s somewhat shocking to learn that I have a number of relatives in the military, including my late Grandfather Fausto Reyes Flores, who was an Army Techincal Sergeant during the 2nd World War.

I’m not a total failure, though. I did appear in several high school plays, leading me to the conclusion that I don’t have the chops to act professionally, either. That is the one thing I have in common with the military men who appeared in Act of Valor.

Of course, most of them aren’t very good actors. They’re Navy SEALs! Do they have to do everything? I’m shocked that I’ve seen such rancor directed toward their performances. (I never read other reviews until I’ve written my own, but I can’t always help seeing blurbs.) When the movie transparently advertises itself as a dramatization of the acts of Navy SEALs, performed by actual Navy SEALs, doesn’t that tell you what kind of acting to expect? Who has a resume that reads, “Spent fourteen years as an active duty Navy SEAL, played Hamlet seven times at the Globe, danced for a decade with the Bolshoi ballet, current CEO of the Walt Disney Company, cookbook author, and NICU nurse.” I mean, good grief!

I already know what their detractors will reply. “But they’re in a movie! People in a movie are supposed to act. That’s what movies are all about.” To that I say, “You obviously don’t go to many movies.” Most movies that open wide and make tons of money are less about acting than about blowing stuff up. And lots of stuff blows up in this movie—even a couple of people. It’s very exciting.

Online, the phrase that seems to come up over and over again describing this film is “glorified recruitment video.” That’s exactly right. It’s a big budget, feature length recruitment video. But why would anyone imagine that’s not entertainment?

Unlike the younger me, my twelve-year-old son does dream about a future in the military, and I promise you that no matter what he is doing—i.e. zoning out in his own little world, playing a game, talking and in the middle of a sentence—if a recruitment commercial for the U.S. military appears on a movie or TV screen, his head whips around like that, and he is immediately fascinated and completely engrossed. I’m sure he would love Act of Valor.

The Good:
The movie is consistently entertaining, and this is coming from someone who by far prefers verbal intellectual stimulation to constant visual over-stimulation. I’ve never been a fan of sustained, mindless action. (Well, that’s a lie. I always love an opportunity to get lost in thought and eat popcorn.) I’m not exaggerating when I say that I cannot follow mindless action. Blow up enough stuff as you move the camera faster and faster and faster, and I will literally have no idea what on earth is happening. To avoid a total mental breakdown while watching it on my laptop, I usually disengage and zone out.

Act of Valor, though, doesn’t feature any mindless violence. In fact, the operations the SEALs engage in are all highly calculated, perfectly timed, and excitingly complex.

Despite what people may tell you, this movie is not at all like most first-person shooter video games (at least not like single-player versions played by average people). Nobody runs into a room and methodically clears it from end to end by shooting everybody in sight. The unit acts as a team, and stealth, planning, tech, and precision play just as much a role as personal strength, courage, and shooting prowess. (Although, I will say, they have some pretty impressive weapons at their disposal.)

The action is not mindless at all. It’s all happening for a purpose, and even I got a visceral thrill while watching it.

Best Action Sequence:
The extraction of the CIA operative is by far the best part of the film. More than a single scene, it’s quite a lengthy segment of the movie. But it’s so taut, suspenseful, enthralling, surprising, and thrilling that it seems to pass in the blink of an eye. As the segment drew to a racing close, I realized that I’d been squeezing my hand so tightly the entire time.

That part of the movie has such conspicuous excellence that I think they should have released it independently as a short film. It could easily stand on its own, and it’s far better than the rest of the movie.

Best Surprise:
Maybe to someone more familiar with military tactics, this wouldn’t have come as a surprise, but during the extraction of the CIA operative, I gasped in visceral delight as a body fell into the water without a splash.

Funniest Moment:
The best actor in this movie was the Senior, and I would imagine that if his actual job involves interrogating international criminals like he does in the movie, then he has quite a bit of theatrical experience. That man has amazing charisma, and in his scene opposite “Cristo” he’s both eerily amusing and terrifying.

On second thought, it’s not that he’s exactly funny, but he reminded me vaguely of the guy in "The Hunt for Red October" who asks, “You’ve lost another submarine?” (And that definitely cracked me up back when I was ten and insisted on going to see the movie with my grandparents. Since I didn’t know what defect meant as a verb, this and Sam Neil saying he “would have liked to have seen Montana” were by far the highlights of that film for me.)

Scenes That Made Me Wish I Were a Navy SEAL:
None of them.

Scenes That Made Me Glad I’m not Being Pursued by Navy SEALs:
All of them.

The Negatives:
The story is contrived, which would be fine if it were well acted. but, of course; it is not. I’m not talking about the story motivating all the missions. That’s just fine. (It’s contrived, too, of course, but the enacting of the missions is fascinating, suspenseful, sometimes breathtaking to watch.) I’m talking about the human story about the interpersonal relationships of the SEALs and their families.

To be fair to the SEALs, it’s not just the acting that’s subpar here. The script is very poorly written (in this aspect), kind of hokey, and far too predictable. You always hear people complaining about Oscar baiting art films with their over-the-top tactics designed to manipulate the Academy. Act of Valor is just the same; except it’s trying to manipulate a different audience.

To be clear, I’m not trying to diminish the achievements of the SEALs whose actual work provided the factual basis for this fictionalized dramatization. I’m just saying that the movie is not cinematically effective in this respect. If you find yourself weeping and applauding at the end, you’re probably motivated either by the memory of the real-life bravery of a friend or family member or by the memory of your own painful experiences. Or maybe you’re just a patriot who believes that acts of valor transcend drama, elevating Act of Valor from an imperfect movie to a moving tribute to real men and women who do protect and serve yours or my country.

The final scenes of the movie should have evoked tears, but they didn’t in me. It was just a case of poor cinematic execution. The action scenes feel real. To say that the interpersonal scenes do not is a huge and exceptionally gracious understatement.

Also, there were moments (especially toward the end) that got a little too explosive for my tastes. But keep in mind that if you aren’t that engrossed by what’s happening on screen, you’re free to improve the experience for yourself as I did. Here are some good ideas for keeping your intellect occupied:
1) Meditate on Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics and wonder if you’re living your life properly. (I actually think the movie wants you to do that.)

2) Wish you still taught a rhetoric class so that you could make up an activity that involved viewing both Act of Valor and A Better Life.

3) Improve the dramatic, character-driven moments for yourself by substituting various superstars of old Hollywood for the current performers. (Warning: With some star combinations, this may turn the film into a screwball comedy.)

Appropriate Viewing for Children?
This is rated R for a reason, but I still think that my twelve-year-old son would have enjoyed it. He probably wouldn't have found it one bit scary. Also, it seems designed to incite paranoia. Y'know the kind that gives you a feeling that terrorist could be anywhere near planning an imminent attack on innocent civilians.

You probably shouldn't take children to this movie. I'd also avoid taking adults who are:
A) mentally unstable or
B) outspoken and of a critical bent.

Overall:
Visceral is the perfect word to describe the positive impact of this movie. Watching the SEALs work often provides a palpable (and tingly!) visceral thrill. Taken on its own terms, the movie is quite enjoyable. Is it trying to manipulate the audience? Of course! But all movies are doing that. This one is just doing it badly, so its manipulative nature is more conspicuous. That’s no reason not to see it. (If it were directed by Micheal Bay, it would probably get an Oscar nomination next year!)

The action is exciting, and while the voice-over narration is ineffective dramatically, it does pose some provocative questions. For these reasons, Act of Valor is definitely a stimulating view. Give it a try. **peace out!**

BIO - Mohamad Fazil Bin Mohammad

Mohamad Fazil Bin Mohammad (CS, CSW) began his Food and Beverage career back in 2002 slowly climbing the ranks to become one of Singapore’s recognized and reputable Sommelier. After attaining a Diploma in Economics at The Stansfield School of Business (University of London) in 2003, Fazil realized that he wanted to pursue his fascination and adoration for wine. However, it was his exposure in restaurants to wines from all over the world and his growing passion for wine that made him want to learn everything that he possibly could.

Fazil then worked in some of the top restaurants in the country. From his humble beginnings as a Part-Time Service Staff to Restaurant Captain, to Senior Food & Beverage Executive, as Operations Manager to working his way up to his title. Fazil achieved the World Gourmet Summit Scholarship in 2009 and an accredited Certified Sommelier by the world renowned Court of Master Sommelier, UK. He has completed WSET Advance Level and intends to pursue the Diploma next.

In 2010, he had passed the tough Certified Specialist of Wine by the Society of Wine Educators, USA. That same year, he managed to secure a Sommelier Diploma from the Sommelier Association of Italy and represented Singapore to compete for the prestigious Southeast Asia Best Sommelier competition in Jakarta, Indonesia.

In the past 10 years, he has been visiting various vineyards in Italy, Portugal, Austria, Australia and New Zealand to keep upgrading himself.

Since then, he has worked as an Educator for Wines & Spirits in his establishments, organizing wine events and the likes. Fazil’s way of conducting wine appreciation workshops is always a fun, interactive and in a relaxed way; to share his vast knowledge to the participants. He had also conducted several sessions with most corporate sectors, Singapore Tourism Board, Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the most recent with Epicure Magazine.

Currently, Fazil spends most of his time doing consulting and education for the public, as well as the hospitality industry. While realizing that he could never learn everything about wine, Fazil spends much of his free time continually educating himself, reviewing for the Master Sommelier Program.

Don't Let The Little Things In Life Piss You Off

Have you ever seen someone complain about his or her boss or workplace as if it’s the end of the world? Have you been cut off in traffic and let it ruin your whole day? How many times have you let your experience at the airport (crying baby, delayed flight, missing luggage) be the first thing you bring up in conversations with friends?

I want you to repeat after me: “these things happen.”

We all have these types of events come up in life, but successful people just go on as if nothing has happened, and unsuccessful people let it derail them.

The next time you feel a surge of anger coming on over an insignificant event in your life, go over these points in your head:

You look like an idiot
There is no polite way to put this. When others around you see you COMPLETELY lose it over a cup of spilled milk, they aren’t feeling sorry for you and wondering how they can help. They are subconsciously judging you and coming to one inescapable conclusion: "you aren’t in control of your life."
If something this small throws you off, imagine how you’d react to a REAL problem in life. Overreacting tells the people around you that you can’t be trusted to deal with important issues. You’re not the go-to guy (or gal) when they’re in need, because you can’t even take care of yourself.

The only person you’re hurting is yourself
Did you ever realize that when you get upset at someone who cuts you off in traffic, they generally never even know? Usually they speed off never the wiser to your insults and gestures. By getting angry, you’re doing zero harm to them while simultaneously hurting yourself even more. That doesn’t make much sense, and is a waste of your precious time and energy.

Now heres the zinger; What if that person purposely WANTED to upset you (they have some subconscious need to pick on others, they’re parents didn’t love them enough, etc)? Well then they are getting the exact reaction they wanted, and you’re playing right into they hands.

If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic or at work, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. With time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life.

Find something to be grateful about
So you’re sitting there in rush hour traffic about ready to tear your hair out. Train yourself to go right into gratitude, and start listing what you’re grateful for and what good can come from this situation. Maybe its the perfect time to make a phone call to a loved one you’ve been putting off. Maybe you can get some “reading” done on that audio book you’re listening to and be grateful for the chance to learn something new. Maybe its just a chance to put things in perspective and marvel at how far technology has come. After all, primitive mankind would have had to walk this distance. You get to SIT in an air conditioned chair barely pushing the accelerator.
There is something good in every situation, and you can find it. Even if its just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.

Unsuccessful people are REACTIVE. They are a leaf blowing in the wind, the world is happening around them, and they are just trying to stay alive. When something bad happens, someone did it TO them and they take it personally. They get caught up in the victim mentality and take every opportunity to let people know it.

Successful people, on the other hand, are PROACTIVE. They make things happen in life and are on a mission. And by golly, they aren’t going to let some silly boss or colleague take them off their mission. Instead, they say to themselves “these things happen” and move on to more important tasks.

Have a wonderful week ahead everyone!