How To Break An Addiction

Some people quit smoking. Others quit drinking. Im proud to say that its been a decade now that i have not been smoking per se' though i still puff a stick or two on frustrating, cramming and desperate times in my life.. Drinking? yes, but socially. Not like last time when i drink like there's no tomorrow. There's one addiction that none of my closest friends nor my family knew about. Its been a guilty pleasure that I've been hiding all these years (not drugs of course!) Maybe because I find it too embarrassing for a big-sized guy like me and considering my age to be so into these addiction. Two weeks ago, I quit video games. Yes people you read it right, video games!

I’ve hesitated in announcing my decision here for two reasons. First, I wanted to see if this was a resolution I was able to keep; a two-week trial run, so to speak.
Second, I wasn’t sure how people would respond. Video game addiction doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people. Drug addiction, nicotine addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction – these are Serious Problems that require Serious Solutions. Video game addiction? That’s just a phase that adolescent boys grow out of eventually … right?

From personal experience, and in the interest of raising awareness, let me assure you that an addiction to computer games is still an addiction. It’s just as powerful and serious as any other vice. Nor is it limited to adolescents and lazy college students – people from all walks of life, men and women, are beginning to feel the allure (and the ill effects) of gaming. Take, for example, the story of international tennis superstar Andy Murray, who was reportedly dumped by his girlfriend due to his video gaming obsession.



The Backstory

I didn’t grow up on video games. In fact, I barely played any as a young child. It wasn’t until I got my first Nintendo when I was 11 or 12 that I really got sort of into video games.

But the tipping point for me came during my late twenties, when I began playing a genre of games called Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs). In this type of game, players from all over the world connect to a virtual game world via the internet, playing and competing against each other in real time. You may have heard of at least one famous title from this genre – the World of Warcraft.
MMORPGs are notoriously addicting. Unlike many other games, the multiplayer aspect of MMORPGs means that there is no real end to the game. It is, quite literally, like having a second life.

Knowing this, it’s not surprising that players of MMORPGs often spend upwards of 10 hours a day playing in order to beat the competition. I know that feeling all too well; any time you’re not online is time that other people are using to get ahead of you. Here’s a fact I’m not particularly proud of: In my late twenties, I played online games for approximately 8-12 hours a day on my free-time. I lived on catnaps and the 7-11 conveniently located just across our street. (Strangely enough, I never resorted to energy drinks – which is something I am proud of.)

I don’t believe that video games are inherently bad. Like alcohol, video games are fine in moderation, and they’re definitely entertaining. I do believe that there are questionable themes in certain games, but I also believe that it’s the responsibility of consumers and parents to be choosy in what they allow themselves and their children to play.

So, I didn’t quit video games as some sort of statement against the gaming culture or industry. I quit because video games created, in my life, the wrong kind of momentum. They constantly distracted me from what I knew I really needed and wanted to do (write this blog, for instance). And oh, the time that I wasted on games. Hours a day. More on weekends. Energy and money spent without any real return except brain-draining fun. Yeah, I still think video games are fun. If I were to go back today, I would still have a blast playing. But I won’t.

In recent months, I’ve been taking a hard look at where I am in life, what I’ve accomplished, what I hope to accomplish, and how I plan to get from here to there. If I’m honest with myself, I know with certainty that the time and energy I spent on video games was a waste. My gaming habits constantly sabotaged my efforts to do what I dreamed of doing; I was slowly grinding myself into mediocrity with every hour and dollar/peso I spent on my addiction. I wasn’t willing to accept that any longer.

A very close on-line buddy and friend of mine asked: “Why don’t you just play in moderation? Limit yourself to an hour a day or only playing on weekends?” I told him that it was a perfectly valid idea, this playing in moderation. But it wasn’t right for me. See, I’ve been trying the path of moderation in gaming for several years now. It works in principle, and I’m sure it works for many people, but it doesn’t work for me. Like any addict, when I start playing, I find it very, very difficult to stop.
Earlier this year, I finally decided that, at least when it came to video games, I am an abstainer, not a moderator. My choice was clear: either I would accept being a computer game addict for the rest of my life, or I would have to quit playing them altogether. I chose option number two.

So, since i came back from the Philippines, I’ve been video-game-free for two weeks now. Like I said, I know that a video game problem doesn’t have the same kind of gravitas as smoking, for example, but it’s been a difficult two weeks, and I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself. Which is something I don’t say to myself all that often.

I’m not out of the woods yet – but forcing myself to go cold-turkey on computer games has also forced me to learn a few important lessons about breaking bad habits that I’d like to share with you.

Know your reasons for quitting. Be clear, direct, and honest with yourself about your motivations. Are you doing this because of your own convictions – or because someone else told you should? Identifying your core motivations is an incredibly powerful technique. When the going gets tough, revisiting these motivations will mean the difference between giving up and pushing forward. My reason for quitting? I had too many things I wanted to accomplish to waste my time and energy on computer games. My dreams are my motivation – that’s powerful for me.

Just because something is a good idea, doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Playing video games in moderation is a good idea. But it simply doesn’t work for me. I’ve come to realize that I used “moderation” as an excuse for playing – an excuse that never held up. However, before I could get myself out of my rut, I had to acknowledge that a “good idea” isn’t always the right idea. And it wasn’t easy; even now, as I write this, I want nothing more than to give moderation another try. That’s a temptation I have to resist.

There may be areas in your life where you’re following “good” advice that you know isn’t right for you. I challenge you to toss that “good idea” excuse out the window and choose the path that does work – even if it’s hard.
Give yourself a trial run. I actually consider not playing video games to be one of my New Year’s resolutions. Instead of waiting until January 1st, however, I decided to use the last few weeks of March as a test run to see how well I was able to keep that resolution. There are few advantages to doing this. First, it gets rid of the “I’ll wait until later (the new year)” excuse and gives me a reason to commit now.
Second, it creates a psychological buffer. Studies show that, when trying to build a good habit, missing one or two days isn’t fatal – no matter what the guru's say. What is fatal, however, is our tendency to think: I missed a day – this new habit is never going to work. I should just give up now. By taking a trial run, I give myself a chance to build good momentum and practice keeping myself video-game-free. And if I do slip up, that’s okay. It’s just a trial run – I don’t have to deal with the guilt of messing up during the main event.

Remove the temptation. Classic advice, but very effective. If I let myself sit at home in front of the computer all day, the temptation to play is very hard for me to resist. Even if I don’t give in, the mental struggle makes it difficult for me to concentrate. Instead, I make myself get up, grab my netbook, and go write somewhere outside the house. Sometimes I run into unexpected obstacles, but I find that simply being away from temptation clears my head wonderfully.

Don’t just break a bad habit – replace it. One of my biggest reasons for quitting video games was to give myself more time to do what I wanted. However, I’ve noticed that breaking my gaming habit is only half the battle. Getting rid of the games created a void in my day, and I have to be careful not to let another bad habit take up residence in that void. One of my personal commandments is break down and build up – that’s exactly what I’m putting into practice here.

What habits or addictions have you successfully broken? Which ones are you trying to break now or in the coming year? What tips do you have to share?

Personal Branding Musings + Breaking The Silence

Sorry for the long silence. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been fighting off a nasty case of blogger burnout. I haven’t been writing much, or checking email, Facebook or Twitter. I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things now – thank you to everyone who sent me concerned messages and emails.

I wish I could tell you that this long hiatus was planned and purposeful, but that’s not exactly true. Originally, I planned to take a day or two away from blogging to recharge – but those few days turned into a week, and a week or two after my last blog entry. What do you do when you feel burned out? I have a tendency to retreat into my own head and my own space for long periods of time. I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad.

One of the reasons I’ve been feeling so burnt out was the pressure of living up to the personal brand I’ve worked to build. Every time I sat down to write a new post or respond to an email, I agonized over every word, trying to make it fit this image I’ve constructed of myself

– so shouldn’t I be writing about great and important issues and doing great and important things in my life? But my goals are a work in progress, and often I feel lost and discouraged. Sometimes I make plans and never fulfill them, or give up at the wrong time. Can I write about that stuff on a blog like this?

And what about other topics? Like politics, technology, family, books? Can I write more about those – or should I stay 100% “on message?”

Mentally, I know these are strange questions to ask. It’s my blog; I can write about whatever the hell I want. But sometimes it sure doesn’t feel that way. Yes, I own and run this site, but it’s not mine alone. When you read, comment, question, or criticize, you become part of it too.

It’s also hard to write when you know that friends (both online and off) and family – people you know and who know you – will be reading your words. In some ways, it’s easier to write for strangers. Less pressure.

Maybe part of the problem is this fixation on having a Personal Brand. We’re told that a strong personal brand helps you get job offers and book deals and special access and more Twitter followers, which is all well and good – but sometimes naming something means disconnecting it from ourselves, making it something foreign, faraway, detached. We concoct this separate image of ourselves (one that we think is attractive, insightful, promotable, hireable), put it out there, then work desperately to live up to it. Our personal brands devolve into sets of rules that chafe and bind and weigh us down.

Hold on a second, you might say. A good personal brand should be authentic, not artificial. And you’d be right. But if that’s the case, why talk about a personal brand at all? Wouldn’t it be less misleading to simply talk about sharing you, instead of branding you? A brand is something corporate; a veneer of sorts to tie all the inner workings of a company up in a neat little PR-able package. But we’re people, you and I, not companies. It’s okay that we’re complicated, capricious, and often contradictory. It’s hard to cover all that in a polished little brand. And it’s exhausting as well.

Anyway, the the point(s) of all this:

Sorry I’ve been away for so long – I’m back now.
Thanks for sticking with me through all this.
Personal brands are tricky. Better to share yourself than brand yourself.

Poverty Is Not An Excuse To Humiliate Someone Especially If Its An Innocent Child

After quite sometime hearing about this rumoured video of a 6 year old boy dancing like a macho dancer on a local tv show back home in The Philippines circulating on-line in social networking sites and actually seeing it, it refreshed my disgust towards Willie Revillame again.

Im a father of two boys and i just cant imagine it happening to my own child while being laughed at, taunted and humiliated on national tv. But who am i to overreact about it when im just an average joe? so i came up with his letter to the boy who is named: Jan-Jan

As much as i want to write this in Tagalog for him to have a better understanding of my letter, i choose to write it in English so that everyone who reads this will comprehend and see what have some of us had become and what kind of a f**ked up guy Willie Rwevillame is..

Dearest Jan-jan,

After watching your video on YouTube, my heart broke as I watched you cry on television. You should never have been there in the first place. There are many people to blame for the humiliation that you went through. What took place should have never happened if people had been doing their jobs, if people had only known better.

First of all, I cannot understand how your tita (aunt) would teach you to dance that way!! You are only six years old and what do you know about the world? I’m sure you are a very bright, sensitive, and talented little boy, that much I could see. That’s another reason why it was so painful for me to watch you suffer. You were, in fact, the only one in that studio who knew that what was happening was so very wrong. You rely on your parents and your guardians to take care of you. They need to ensure that you grow up to become healthy in mind, body and spirit. But by allowing you to suffer that way, they miserably failed you.

It's not all about the money, Jan-jan. The dignity of every child must be upheld. By allowing you to perform that way, they trampled on you and made you feel so small. I could see the fear and embarrassment in your eyes. It was undeniable. If there was only some way to rescue you from that moment, I'm sure every parent worth their salt would have done so.

Poverty must never be an excuse to humiliate people. A child must be allowed to be a child. This terrible experience has probably left a mark on your soul and my prayer is that you will not be damaged by it forever. And this is why this insanity has to stop.

I have no explanation for the way that the crowd treated you that evening. I feel very sad at what we have become as a people. That these adults would actually find it entertaining to see a young boy like you shamed that way. That these so-called adults did not see beyond the lewd gyrations to see the little boy with warm tears running down his face. It pains me that we have become so de-sensitized as a people, that we would allow a child to suffer that way.


But for me, the biggest fault that evening falls on Willie Revillame’s shoulders. I have no explanation for what possessed him to egg on the crowd, to say those words to you, to compare you to a burlesk dancer. Willie had the power in that moment to stop, no, to prevent you from even performing your dance number. Had he done so, he may have even redeemed himself in a way. But what did he do? He gave you the money that you perhaps came for so that you could give it to your parents who for the life of me perhaps did not know any better than to send you there. And he egged you on…

Willie, a parent many times over, and a grandfather – did he not see the faces of his children or of his grandson when he was egging you on to dance a second or a third time? That he found enjoyment in watching you, and poking fun at you as you cried and looked so miserable was to my mind inexcusable. You are a child, and you are supposed to be loved and protected. Your right to protection is provided for under the law. I am so sorry that we failed to do this for you.

The image of your face has been running through my head over and over. What happened to you that day must not go to waste. If we can save even one other child from having to go through what you had to endure then all these efforts we are now doing will not be in vain.

We can no longer turn back the hands of time and take away your pain, Jan-jan, but we can always give a deeper meaning to the humiliation you went through it by working together, hand in hand, to ensure that no other child, or minor, for that matter will ever have to suffer the way you did on national television.

I hope someday when you recall this moment, it will no longer bring you shame. Your tears will not go to waste. In doing what you did, before millions of people in and out of the studio, you woke us all up and in the process, perhaps saved so many other children from ever having to go through what you did. You are a brave little boy Jan-jan, always remember that.


link for the said video(the lewd charade and humiliation starts at 04:08) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YRCxh9q64w

**please highlight and right click to go to the video**

now Willie, do you find this entertaining? shame on you!

In Praise Of My C&PDW (Cary and Personal Defense Weapon) The Sig Sauer P228 Caliber 9x19mm Parabellum

After I've been "had" recently for getting myself a not-so-lousy Chinese clone handgun, i finally got a hold of the real thing. And i think its my responsibility to blog about this great piece of steel that i acquired and been shooting recently. I'm talking about my Sig Sauer P228

The trend is sweeping large and small law enforcement agencies throughout the United States - the .40 caliber is totally in, while the 9mm is out. I read somewhere on-line that Local and State agencies in Washington-Baltimore area either have switched or are switching to .40 caliber in droves. Even the FBI, which took a long wait-and-see, extensive test-and-evaluate approach, are now issuing 40-caliber GLOCK 22/23s to their new classes of special agents. US intelligence agencies and Service Investigative Units, however, have not made the switch to the .40. Neither has the Secret Service, BATF, nor the US State Department's Diplomatic Security Service (DSS). The SIG P228 9mm remains the quintessential "Fed" gun with these and other agencies to include the Army Criminal Investigative Division (CID) and Air Force Office of Special Investigations (OSI). This pistol remains my choice for domestic and overseas use. Here's why:

Ammo Availability

For most field operations, the 9mm makes the greatest sense. When assigned to support military operations, there's a ready supply of NATO-spec 9mm issued for the Beretta M9. Yes, I know that it's a comparatively poor stopper versus .45 ball, but ammo must be available and very plentiful for both training and operational purposes. In Spec Ops circles, hollowpoint ammo is available for counter-terrorism missions, which greatly enhances the 9mm effectiveness. The primary weapon for the DSS, BATF and often FBI agents is the SIG P228. When assigned to support diplomatic or investigative missions abroad, I know that my pistol, magazines and ammunition are interchangeable with theirs. This is significant should the need arise to use someone else's gear, or they use mine.

Reliability

The SIG P228 is supremely reliable out of the box. Its reliability can only be matched by the P226 and arguably bested by the Beretta 92. These points are critical for several reasons. Weapons are often issued at overseas departure or destination points. This means that it may not be my personal P228 on which I'm relying. As my primary weapon, it must be totally reliable in all extreme conditions. Any maintained P228 is this in spades.

Accuracy

The best duty pistol is also extremely accurate. Stress under physical exhaustion or combat duress plays havoc with your shooting ability. I want the most accurate pistol possible to maximize hit potential under these extreme conditions. This is especially important when operating in an environment that contains hostile and non-hostile targets. A surgical shot may be needed to take out single or multiple threats, without hitting fellow operatives or innocent bystanders. It is also critical when facing a battle rifle-equipped hostile. I can say my SIG P228 is accurate enough to reach out and touch a target to 100 yards with confidence. This can't be said for many other popular pistols. The only popular service pistol that beats the P228 for accuracy out of the box is the SIG P226. Table One provides accuracy figures for my own stock P228 with a wide assortment of ball and hollowpoint ammo. Note the total average hand held five-shot group size at 25 yards: it's 2.80 inches. Conventional hollowpoint ammo, which included everything from +P+ 115 to 147-grain subsonic, averaged an excellent 2.60 inches! (thanks to Wikipedia for this Info)

Capacity

Capacity counts when a pistol is the only weapon between you and a large group of machete-wielding third-worlders. The P228 holds twice the ammo of the venerable 1911. Add two spare magazines and you've got 39/40 rounds on tap. I'll usually add a 20-round mag if things are looking especially dicey. I certainly don't spray and pray, but find the high capacity pistol a better choice for these type encounters.

Ergonomics

The SIG P228 also features some of the best ergonomics of any pistol ever produced. The double column grip is comfortable for my medium-size hand, and I find the pistol points naturally and immediately to target. The double action trigger is the best in the business and if, as some female associates with smaller hands find, too long to reach comfortably, a SIG factory short trigger is available. The single action is outstanding - clean and moderately weighted (mine is 5.5 lbs.). My only complaint is a light trigger-return spring, which when not fully acclimated to the weapon, can cause the shooter to slap at the trigger while trying to perform fast follow-up shots.

Some details that need attention are the soft metal used in the grip screws, and the tendency for these screws to come loose if not extremely well-tightened. Fixes to these shortcomings are: use an exact-fit screwdriver when loosening or tightening the screws, replace the grip screws with hexhead grip bolts or use a Hogue or Pachmayer slip-on grip to secure the grip panels. The SIG standard matte/parkerized finish is not very wear or corrosion resistant. The SIG factory K Kote or aftermarket Teflon finish such as Birdsong Black-T will serve in harsh conditions.

The pistol possesses few sharp edges, the only ones being at the tips of the front of the slide. These aren't a problem for shooting, but the sharp points can tear at the inside of finely boned holsters such as Alessi, Mitch Rosen's or Andy Arratoonian's Horseshoe products and can sometimes cause a rough reholster with these excellent rigs. The gun conceals very well in a quality external or IWB holster. Factory sights are among the best in the business; extremely durable, low profile, posessing a fairly wide rear notch mated to a highly visable front sight.

How It Shoots

Im not a professional handgunner nor a competitive one, but i have my fair share of firing in decent ranges, so don't think im being "Mr.Know-How" or ballsy here :D Recoil is near-negligible with the P228. The 9mm is a much more easily controlled round compared to either the .40 cal or .45. I don't do much proficiency shooting, but I can fire fourteen rounds in under five seconds and hit a man-sized target at fifty feet with ease. These are just my words, so up to you to take my word for it. These facts are the results of a recent outdoor range session with the P228 (thanks to Eric Tablante, of Clark Eagle Firing Range We did some basic drills which combines "drawing and firing speed with the need to engage both near and long range targets." Results were good; the credit going to the superlative design of the pistol. Blame my somewhat slow times on a new, tightly fitted, Horseshoe SOB holster which my good friend Mr.Tablante lended me (excellent rig; worn toward hip side) and my unfamiliarity with the different angle of draw.

Bottom line - if you are a federal agent, intelligence operative, law enforcement officer or civilian possessing a SIG P228, don't feel shortchanged or undergunned. You're carrying one of the best pistols made. World-class reliable, accurate, ergonomic and easily controllable, you can't get much better. Stick with it, practice often and with realism, and know that this gun will hold up its end of the bargain when you need it to.


P228 Specifications
Operation : Semiautomatic, mechanically
locked, recoil operated
Trigger Double-action/single-action
or double-action only
Safety Patented automatic firing-pin lock
Caliber : 9mm Luger
Length, overall:7.1"
Height, overall:5.4"
Width, overall :1.5"
Barrel length : 3.9"
Rifling twist : 1 in 10"
Rifling grooves:6
Sight radius: 5.7"
Weight, w/o magazine : 26.1 oz.
Weight, empty magazine: 3.0 oz.
Trigger pull : DA 12 lbs., SA 4.5 lbs.
Magazine capacity : 13 rounds
(Specs barrowed and used with permission from Sig Sauer Website)

Note:
this entry is about Sig Sauer P228 and should not be compared to any likes or caliber. Opinions and review stated here are of my own personal view and understanding of the subject.

This One's For You, My Backstabbing Friend!

Heyo people! its been a while ya? guess i've been enjoying to much of my country lifestyle while on RN'R here at my beloved motherland so no time to blog..anyhoo, these past 3 weeks has been quite ok for me and gave me ample time to reflect on things about friendship and life (to those who see and read my Facebook Wall, I think y'all can relate on this one)

You always thought your “friend” was the one you can depend on, the rock you can build on, the shoulder you can cry on. It's all well and good, until the person you once called your friend starts to spread rumors and gossip about you behind your back. He or she calls you names, destroys your reputation, and does just about everything most friends would never do. Yes, your friend is a two-bit backstabber.

It always hurts to lose a friend, but it definitely hurts to be betrayed by people you trust. "After all that you have done for your friend" and after all the "good times" you shared, you feel so used and manipulated by him or her. You're faced with so many problems and consequences once you end a friendship because of a backstabber, not to mention having to repair and restore your standing among other people. Here are some ways to help soften the blow dealt by a backstabber.

It's Not Your Fault

It's called “backstabbing” for a reason; betrayal feels like someone plunged a sharp, rusty knife deep in your back, gave you a pat on the back to dig it in deeper, and still called you his or her friend. Some people tend to feel that they're the ones to blame, like they haven't been paying enough attention to their friends, or that they did something wrong.

The important thing to remember is that you're the victim. You've been a good friend to the person who stabbed you in the back. You were genuine, upfront, and you had nothing to hide. It's all right to feel bad for yourself, but you shouldn't blame yourself for being betrayed. You're the one who's already suffering from your friend's betrayal, so you have every right to be mad and feel victimized.

Start at the Source

Nobody is born a backstabber, but there are many reasons why a person you once thought to be your friend can betray you. Get to the root of the problem: why did your friend betray the trust you had in him or her for so long? Some of the reasons can get quite ugly:

Jealousy. Chances are that your friend is insanely jealous of you. Maybe you're more well-off, more popular with others, or that you're doing better in life than him or her. Some backstabbers feel that they're being treated like that “other friend,” and are not getting as much attention or respect as their other friends.

Selfishness. Another common excuse for backstabbing is, “I did it for you.” Some people try to justify backstabbing, and say that they only did it to protect you from people who want to do you harm, or are up to no good. Chances are your friend is just trying to get away with backstabbing you.
Somebody else made him or her do it. Two of the most common excuses a backstabber makes are, “I didn't know what I was doing,” or “Someone else made me do it.” While it's tempting to take the crocodile tears of your friend as genuine, don't believe a word of it. Remember: he or she decided to freely and consciously betray your trust when he or she stabbed you in the back.

Demand an Explanation (but im not doing this, hell no!, but still take my word for it will ya?)

Some people have problems breaking up a friendship, even if they were totally betrayed. They may feel that the memories of the good times they spent together are more important than a “squabble” like a betrayal. For most people, a betraying backstabbing friend should be dumped and thrown out at the soonest possible moment.

Make it clear that you're not “asking” for an explanation; rather, you are demanding it. You want closure to the issue so that you can move on with your lives, and at least save enough of your past friendship so that you can both maintain a civil relationship.

You Have the Right to Overreact (which i already did, with the shout outs on my Facebook Wall, heck!)

An insensitive backstabber will tell you that you're overreacting, or that because you overreacted, you're pretty much guilty of everything he or she said about you. No one can blame you if you're angry, or if you really blow your top off. After all, your own trusted friend was able to double-talk and make bad stories about you.

While it's your right to overreact, try to get a grip on yourself. It's OK to be mad, but try your very best not to be violent. Deal with the situation as peacefully and as diplomatically as you can. When you do overreact, settle down and don't make yourself look bad in front of other people. Your backstabber will try to bait you into proving that he or she is “right” about you.

Ignore the Backstabber

A backstabber craves for attention. He or she will do anything to prove that the lies he or she is spreading about you is true. If you pay too much attention to the lies your friend is spreading about you, the lies will come across as true to other people.

When you ignore the backstabber, you send a clear message to him or her: you are not dignifying his or her lies with a comment. You have more important things – and more important people – to attend to, than a backstabbing loser. Show him or her that you can go on with your life just fine, and that he or she means nothing more to you than excess baggage.

Restore Your Reputation

Many people realize that their friend is a backstabber only when the damage is already done. The lies your so-called friend has spread about you have already spread all over work,school and all over social networking sites. If he or she had it his or her way, then the lies have made their way all over town. When this happens, it's time for you to restore your reputation.

Restoring your reputation and standing will take a lot of time and hard work, especially if people believe the backstabber more than they believe you. Here are some ways that can help you restore the trust people have in you that was ruined by your backstabbing friend:

*Explain to them that your friend was spreading lies about you.
*Ask them if they would rather believe the backstabber, or if they would believe you.
*Show proof that you haven't been doing the things your friend is accusing you of. If your friend told friends and family that you don't pay your debts on time, show them documents, deeds, and receipts that show that you're financially stable.
*Show and explain to people about : Intellectual Property Rights, "Permissions" and Third Party Commission on hobby, craft and any form or kind of media.

The important thing to remember is that you shouldn't exert too much effort proving your backstabber wrong. Instead, your efforts should come across as genuine. You're not out to discredit your backstabber, but you're out to prove that you can be trusted. While it may seem wrong that you're restoring your standing on your own, there's pretty much nothing you can do. It may be too much trouble to ask your backstabber to take back everything he or she said about you.

Take It Up a Notch

Some backstabbers may damage your reputation so much that they can damage your standing in your community. Sometimes you have no other option than to go to court and file a freakin' law suit for libel or slander. You don't have to skull-sue your friend if it's a minor case, but if you can no longer do business with local establishment, or if your reputation is damaged enough that people no longer want to talk to you, you may need to take legal action.

Before you file a lawsuit for slander or malicious intent, you first need to consult with your lawyer. At best, you're going to claim damages, but you have to think twice. Not only would you add to the many cases already docked in courts, but you can also give yourself a major headache when the case does proceed.

Learn to Forgive (im still in the process though, sighs)

Not only do backstabbers cause a headache, but they can also cause heartache and grief. It's never an easy thing to lose a friend, especially if the loss could have been easily avoided. While you definitely have to move on with your life, you have to forgive your backstabber eventually. You don't need to take him or her back as a friend and start your friendship over, and it will definitely take time before you can learn to trust your friend again.

At the very least, you should find a way to maintain a civil and formal relationship with your backstabbing friend. You can't give each other the cold shoulder forever. You don't have to exchange hugs or spend some time with each other, as long as you still feel that you can do things together at work,school and i say again; social networking sites..

Backstabbing can damage and hurt anyone's reputation. Pity, anger, and despair are normal reactions to betrayal and deceit.

One day, you're going to look back at that backstabbing episode and learn an important lesson in life: "thanks to a backstabber, you now know who your "true friends" are.


***oh hey, by the way.. the image featured in this entry is used with permission, from its owner and/or copyright holders just in case you see it via wiki or google search, same goes with the rest of the images i upload from my previous/old entries here and on my other photo blog*** peace!