How To Break An Addiction

Some people quit smoking. Others quit drinking. Im proud to say that its been a decade now that i have not been smoking per se' though i still puff a stick or two on frustrating, cramming and desperate times in my life.. Drinking? yes, but socially. Not like last time when i drink like there's no tomorrow. There's one addiction that none of my closest friends nor my family knew about. Its been a guilty pleasure that I've been hiding all these years (not drugs of course!) Maybe because I find it too embarrassing for a big-sized guy like me and considering my age to be so into these addiction. Two weeks ago, I quit video games. Yes people you read it right, video games!

I’ve hesitated in announcing my decision here for two reasons. First, I wanted to see if this was a resolution I was able to keep; a two-week trial run, so to speak.
Second, I wasn’t sure how people would respond. Video game addiction doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people. Drug addiction, nicotine addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction – these are Serious Problems that require Serious Solutions. Video game addiction? That’s just a phase that adolescent boys grow out of eventually … right?

From personal experience, and in the interest of raising awareness, let me assure you that an addiction to computer games is still an addiction. It’s just as powerful and serious as any other vice. Nor is it limited to adolescents and lazy college students – people from all walks of life, men and women, are beginning to feel the allure (and the ill effects) of gaming. Take, for example, the story of international tennis superstar Andy Murray, who was reportedly dumped by his girlfriend due to his video gaming obsession.



The Backstory

I didn’t grow up on video games. In fact, I barely played any as a young child. It wasn’t until I got my first Nintendo when I was 11 or 12 that I really got sort of into video games.

But the tipping point for me came during my late twenties, when I began playing a genre of games called Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs). In this type of game, players from all over the world connect to a virtual game world via the internet, playing and competing against each other in real time. You may have heard of at least one famous title from this genre – the World of Warcraft.
MMORPGs are notoriously addicting. Unlike many other games, the multiplayer aspect of MMORPGs means that there is no real end to the game. It is, quite literally, like having a second life.

Knowing this, it’s not surprising that players of MMORPGs often spend upwards of 10 hours a day playing in order to beat the competition. I know that feeling all too well; any time you’re not online is time that other people are using to get ahead of you. Here’s a fact I’m not particularly proud of: In my late twenties, I played online games for approximately 8-12 hours a day on my free-time. I lived on catnaps and the 7-11 conveniently located just across our street. (Strangely enough, I never resorted to energy drinks – which is something I am proud of.)

I don’t believe that video games are inherently bad. Like alcohol, video games are fine in moderation, and they’re definitely entertaining. I do believe that there are questionable themes in certain games, but I also believe that it’s the responsibility of consumers and parents to be choosy in what they allow themselves and their children to play.

So, I didn’t quit video games as some sort of statement against the gaming culture or industry. I quit because video games created, in my life, the wrong kind of momentum. They constantly distracted me from what I knew I really needed and wanted to do (write this blog, for instance). And oh, the time that I wasted on games. Hours a day. More on weekends. Energy and money spent without any real return except brain-draining fun. Yeah, I still think video games are fun. If I were to go back today, I would still have a blast playing. But I won’t.

In recent months, I’ve been taking a hard look at where I am in life, what I’ve accomplished, what I hope to accomplish, and how I plan to get from here to there. If I’m honest with myself, I know with certainty that the time and energy I spent on video games was a waste. My gaming habits constantly sabotaged my efforts to do what I dreamed of doing; I was slowly grinding myself into mediocrity with every hour and dollar/peso I spent on my addiction. I wasn’t willing to accept that any longer.

A very close on-line buddy and friend of mine asked: “Why don’t you just play in moderation? Limit yourself to an hour a day or only playing on weekends?” I told him that it was a perfectly valid idea, this playing in moderation. But it wasn’t right for me. See, I’ve been trying the path of moderation in gaming for several years now. It works in principle, and I’m sure it works for many people, but it doesn’t work for me. Like any addict, when I start playing, I find it very, very difficult to stop.
Earlier this year, I finally decided that, at least when it came to video games, I am an abstainer, not a moderator. My choice was clear: either I would accept being a computer game addict for the rest of my life, or I would have to quit playing them altogether. I chose option number two.

So, since i came back from the Philippines, I’ve been video-game-free for two weeks now. Like I said, I know that a video game problem doesn’t have the same kind of gravitas as smoking, for example, but it’s been a difficult two weeks, and I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself. Which is something I don’t say to myself all that often.

I’m not out of the woods yet – but forcing myself to go cold-turkey on computer games has also forced me to learn a few important lessons about breaking bad habits that I’d like to share with you.

Know your reasons for quitting. Be clear, direct, and honest with yourself about your motivations. Are you doing this because of your own convictions – or because someone else told you should? Identifying your core motivations is an incredibly powerful technique. When the going gets tough, revisiting these motivations will mean the difference between giving up and pushing forward. My reason for quitting? I had too many things I wanted to accomplish to waste my time and energy on computer games. My dreams are my motivation – that’s powerful for me.

Just because something is a good idea, doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Playing video games in moderation is a good idea. But it simply doesn’t work for me. I’ve come to realize that I used “moderation” as an excuse for playing – an excuse that never held up. However, before I could get myself out of my rut, I had to acknowledge that a “good idea” isn’t always the right idea. And it wasn’t easy; even now, as I write this, I want nothing more than to give moderation another try. That’s a temptation I have to resist.

There may be areas in your life where you’re following “good” advice that you know isn’t right for you. I challenge you to toss that “good idea” excuse out the window and choose the path that does work – even if it’s hard.
Give yourself a trial run. I actually consider not playing video games to be one of my New Year’s resolutions. Instead of waiting until January 1st, however, I decided to use the last few weeks of March as a test run to see how well I was able to keep that resolution. There are few advantages to doing this. First, it gets rid of the “I’ll wait until later (the new year)” excuse and gives me a reason to commit now.
Second, it creates a psychological buffer. Studies show that, when trying to build a good habit, missing one or two days isn’t fatal – no matter what the guru's say. What is fatal, however, is our tendency to think: I missed a day – this new habit is never going to work. I should just give up now. By taking a trial run, I give myself a chance to build good momentum and practice keeping myself video-game-free. And if I do slip up, that’s okay. It’s just a trial run – I don’t have to deal with the guilt of messing up during the main event.

Remove the temptation. Classic advice, but very effective. If I let myself sit at home in front of the computer all day, the temptation to play is very hard for me to resist. Even if I don’t give in, the mental struggle makes it difficult for me to concentrate. Instead, I make myself get up, grab my netbook, and go write somewhere outside the house. Sometimes I run into unexpected obstacles, but I find that simply being away from temptation clears my head wonderfully.

Don’t just break a bad habit – replace it. One of my biggest reasons for quitting video games was to give myself more time to do what I wanted. However, I’ve noticed that breaking my gaming habit is only half the battle. Getting rid of the games created a void in my day, and I have to be careful not to let another bad habit take up residence in that void. One of my personal commandments is break down and build up – that’s exactly what I’m putting into practice here.

What habits or addictions have you successfully broken? Which ones are you trying to break now or in the coming year? What tips do you have to share?

Personal Branding Musings + Breaking The Silence

Sorry for the long silence. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been fighting off a nasty case of blogger burnout. I haven’t been writing much, or checking email, Facebook or Twitter. I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things now – thank you to everyone who sent me concerned messages and emails.

I wish I could tell you that this long hiatus was planned and purposeful, but that’s not exactly true. Originally, I planned to take a day or two away from blogging to recharge – but those few days turned into a week, and a week or two after my last blog entry. What do you do when you feel burned out? I have a tendency to retreat into my own head and my own space for long periods of time. I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad.

One of the reasons I’ve been feeling so burnt out was the pressure of living up to the personal brand I’ve worked to build. Every time I sat down to write a new post or respond to an email, I agonized over every word, trying to make it fit this image I’ve constructed of myself

– so shouldn’t I be writing about great and important issues and doing great and important things in my life? But my goals are a work in progress, and often I feel lost and discouraged. Sometimes I make plans and never fulfill them, or give up at the wrong time. Can I write about that stuff on a blog like this?

And what about other topics? Like politics, technology, family, books? Can I write more about those – or should I stay 100% “on message?”

Mentally, I know these are strange questions to ask. It’s my blog; I can write about whatever the hell I want. But sometimes it sure doesn’t feel that way. Yes, I own and run this site, but it’s not mine alone. When you read, comment, question, or criticize, you become part of it too.

It’s also hard to write when you know that friends (both online and off) and family – people you know and who know you – will be reading your words. In some ways, it’s easier to write for strangers. Less pressure.

Maybe part of the problem is this fixation on having a Personal Brand. We’re told that a strong personal brand helps you get job offers and book deals and special access and more Twitter followers, which is all well and good – but sometimes naming something means disconnecting it from ourselves, making it something foreign, faraway, detached. We concoct this separate image of ourselves (one that we think is attractive, insightful, promotable, hireable), put it out there, then work desperately to live up to it. Our personal brands devolve into sets of rules that chafe and bind and weigh us down.

Hold on a second, you might say. A good personal brand should be authentic, not artificial. And you’d be right. But if that’s the case, why talk about a personal brand at all? Wouldn’t it be less misleading to simply talk about sharing you, instead of branding you? A brand is something corporate; a veneer of sorts to tie all the inner workings of a company up in a neat little PR-able package. But we’re people, you and I, not companies. It’s okay that we’re complicated, capricious, and often contradictory. It’s hard to cover all that in a polished little brand. And it’s exhausting as well.

Anyway, the the point(s) of all this:

Sorry I’ve been away for so long – I’m back now.
Thanks for sticking with me through all this.
Personal brands are tricky. Better to share yourself than brand yourself.